The Butterfly Mansion
by Ryu Reikai-Akuma
Summary: Soubi believed his heart was completely frozen, incapable of love, unwilling to love. But Fate was about to prove him wrong. Yaoi, shouta, AU
1. Prologue

The Butterfly Mansion

The Butterfly Mansion

The city light looked so far away, the voices were faint, and the city life seemed distant. From way up here, Soubi could almost believe that he was far from one of the busiest city on earth, Tokyo. But the reflection on the clear glass pane never failed to remind him of where he was and what he was. Soubi was not far from Tokyo at all. In fact he was right in the heart of the city.

In a building disguised as the headquarter of a respectable company, a secret club was hidden. The Seven Moons was an exclusive club only few selected people had heard of. It provided companions to the famous names and faces in the society while guaranteeing perfect secrecy. The clients naturally demanded nothing less than pleasant and good-looking company, which the Seven Moons so easily provided. Beautiful employees and secrecy made the name of the Seven Moons, making it the hottest underground club in the city.

In the Seven Moons, Agatsuma Soubi was the number one escort. Many clients asked for is company but he was well known for his selectiveness. Soubi only accompanied a handful of his favored clients in the time he deemed convenient. It was really a wonder how he became the most demanded person. He wasn't exactly the friendliest person, he was too blunt, even bordering on rude often times, he was also cold and sarcastic. Like snow, Soubi was both beautiful and cold. His seductiveness and teasing personality only appeared in his extremely rare good mood yet many clients would go to any extent to gain his favor and spend time with him.

Soubi had no prior engagement tonight, a rare feat in itself because despite everything, he seemed to always have his schedule full. His last client, a president of a major drug company had just left two hours ago, not without leaving his a souvenir. A classic painting of chrysanthemums worth several million yen now hung on one of the walls of his luxurious room. Perhaps Soubi could enjoy it more if it weren't a bribe to spend several hours with him.

Soubi picked up a new suit jacket from his closet, his previous one was soiled to him. No client didn't mean that he could not enjoy himself. A dinner at the new fancy restaurant downtown seemed like a very appealing idea. A familiar voice called for him just as he exited his suite, making him halt his steps.

"Sou-chan!"

Soubi turned to greet the person, a smile splayed on his lips. Kyo was the second most famous male escort in the Seven Moons and also the only person Soubi could call a friend. As opposed to Soubi, Kyo was a friendly and outgoing young man. He loved wild scenes and his clients adored his young virile spirit. The only similarity he had with Soubi was his playfulness, though Soubi tended to be more sarcastic than he was. They wouldn't have been friends if it weren't for Kyo's determination to get to know the cold blond.

"You look good, Sou-chan. Where are you going? Do you have an appointment tonight?" Kyo asked, looking up and down on Soubi's appearance appreciatively. The blond was wearing a black shirt inside his beige suit jacket, looking very formal compared to Kyo's half-buttoned green silk shirt inside light-colored suit.

"No. I'm going to have dinner." Soubi explained with a smile that seemed empty to Kyo. It was a charming smile that not even Kyo was immune to.

"You have to cancel that. The boss wants to see you now."

The smile on Soubi's face became cold. Kyo never knew why but Soubi didn't like their employer very much. He had heard whispers that their past was linked somehow but could never confirm it. Kyo had more than once tried to dig Soubi's mysterious past but the blond always managed to evade the questions. "Is it so? I'll be going then. Do you have any appointment tonight?"

"Yes. My client wants to throw an intimate party and I am asked to give a little performance. Would you like to join when you're done?" Kyo asked with a suggestive smile.

"No, thank you." Soubi said, walking away toward the elevator leading directly to his employer's office on the top floor. "Ja." He said, waving a hand at Kyo.

The office had an impressive view of the city. The light was dimmed to enhance the breath taking scenery outside. The office itself was decorated by modern furniture with neutral colors. Several high end electronic appliances were seen around the room but the only thing that Soubi notice was his employer's butterfly collections, pinned around the room. The sight of it always made him sick. He couldn't think of this place as anything more than a torture cage.

"Soubi-kun, I haven't seen you for a while." Ritsu greeted him from behind his desk. The light from his computer screen reflected on his glasses, obscuring his eyes. A small, almost invisible smirk splayed on his lips.

"I don't want to see you." Soubi said, not hiding his disdain towards the man.

"But you will see me sooner or later anyway." Ritsu reminded him calmly, barely reacting to the obvious show of disrespect. "A VIP client demands your company."

"I'm not interested." Soubi said coldly.

"You are a host, Soubi. Your duty is too please your client in anyway they wish." Ritsu said. His silky voice made Soubi's skin crawl. The fading marks on his body went ablaze at those words. Still, he remained coldly and defiantly staring at the man. "He was an important client. Serve him. Please him. Win his favor. It wouldn't be too difficult, I heard he was a kind person. You will leave immediately. The folder is on the coffee table."

Soubi contemplated walking away from this but in the end he could bring himself to fully defy his employer. He picked up the folder and promptly left the room without saying another word. It took a while for Soubi to calm his nerves in the slow moving elevator. He leaned on the wall of the elevator; clenching his hand slightly as his dark, painful memory came rushing back to him. No matter how many years passed, he could never truly forgive Ritsu and forget what had happened between them. Every meeting reopened the wounds and inflamed the hatred. Soubi feared that these feeling would overwhelm him one day and always suppressed them. But he knew that one day he would have to face his inner demons.

When he had finally got himself under control, he finally checked the folder. All their VIP clients went by codenames as to not reveal their identity easily. Even the escorts sometimes only knew them by these codenames instead of the real name. This time, on the pale folder, written in simple black letter was a name he wasn't familiar with but somehow managed to make his heart beat faster.

BELOVED

The place indicated on the map inside the folder was located outside of Tokyo. Soubi drove his car past the townhouses to the rural place. He immediately knew that this client was not an ordinary person when he arrived to tall gate guarding the estate. From outside he couldn't even see the house as the view was covered by tall trees that grew on either side of a path leading to the darkness. After Soubi mentioned his client's codename to the surveillance camera, the electronic metal gate opened to allow him in. He drove past the dark forest, the metal gate closed behind him, not too impressed. This wasn't the first client whose residence had its own personal forest. He had to admit though, that this was the largest he'd ever seen so far. Soubi briefly wondered what kind of person this client was.

After ten minutes of driving, he arrived at a beautiful garden in front of a white Mediterranean mansion. The mansion was very quiet, the only sign that it was lived in was the light coming from inside and the open front door. Soubi hesitated for a while before entering since no one welcome him outside.

The interior of the house was as beautiful and luxurious as the exterior. Almost everything was white, the furniture, the white marble floor and the paint. The only splashes of color usually came from flowers in crystal vases which could be found in almost every room in the mansion. The house was beautiful indeed, but it felt so cold and impersonal. This mansion was clearly built to be a house, not a home.

Soubi waited in the living room but when nobody came, he searched for his client himself. A faint sound of music led him through the long white halls and rooms and to a half open door. Soubi took a deep breath, his heart had been pounding faster and faster by each step he took closer to the room. He didn't know why but he felt both nervous and eager to meet BELOVED. Something told him that this wasn't like other dates he had done before. Slowly, he pushed the double door open and stepped inside.

Like the rest of the house, this room was also almost completely white.


	2. The First Night

A/N 1: I was reading Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita when I wrote this chapter. You could imagine how inferior I felt about this. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied with this chapter but I really couldn't figure out how to make it better. Perhaps I will edit in the future. Please, please give me feedback so that I could improve this.

A/N 2: the reason why this chapter seems so short is because it has an NC-17 scene. There is a link to the full story in my LJ account in my profile page here. If you're interested, you can check. Please comment there too if you would.

**The First Night**

The place indicated on the map inside the folder was located outside of Tokyo. Soubi drove his car past the townhouses to the rural place. He immediately knew that this client was not an ordinary person when he arrived to tall gate guarding the estate. The writing on the gate told him that he had indeed reached his destination, The Butterfly Mansion. From outside he couldn't even see the house as the view was covered by tall trees that grew on either side of a path leading to the darkness. After Soubi mentioned his client's codename to the surveillance camera, the electronic metal gate opened to allow him in. He drove past the dark forest, the metal gate closed behind him, not too impressed. This wasn't the first client whose residence had its own personal forest. He had to admit though, that this was the largest he'd ever seen so far. Soubi briefly wondered what kind of person this client was.

After ten minutes of driving, he arrived at a beautiful garden in front of a white Mediterranean mansion. The mansion was very quiet, the only sign that it was lived in was the light coming from inside and the open front door. Soubi hesitated for a while before entering since no one welcome him outside.

The interior of the house was as beautiful and luxurious as the exterior. Almost everything was white, the furniture, the white marble floor and the paint. The only splashes of color usually came from flowers in crystal vases which could be found in almost every room in the mansion. The house was beautiful indeed, but it felt so cold and impersonal. This mansion was clearly built to be a house, not a home.

Soubi waited in the living room but when nobody came, he searched for his client himself. A faint sound of music led him through the long white halls and rooms and to a half open door. Soubi took a deep breath, his heart had been pounding faster and faster by each step he took closer to the room. He didn't know why but he felt both nervous and eager to meet BELOVED. Something told him that this wasn't like other dates he had done before. Slowly, he pushed the double door open and stepped inside and had his breath caught in his throat.

Like the rest of the house, this room was also completely white. There were tall bookcases on two sides of the room and several antique things adorning the room. But those weren't what caught Soubi's attention.

Across the room, on a white sofa lied the most beautiful sight Soubi had ever laid his eyes upon. The boy was lying on his back with one arm cushioning his head and another holding a book close to his face. The curtains on the windows on either side of the sofa billowed as the wind blew into the room from the open windows. The music was louder but still faint enough that Soubi could listen to the sound of the night outside. Soubi found himself unable to breath, entranced by the ethereal scene as he was.

The boy was the most beautiful thing Soubi had ever seen. Had Soubi been that beautiful when he was a child? No. True, he had been pretty enough to be desired by some -Ritsu didn't pick him up from the street for charity. He had been complimented for his hair, his face, even his skin. He had been called beautiful only after he went through that awkward stage of puberty. But even now he was nothing compared to Beloved. Charmingly innocent, obliviously sensual, undeniably beautiful, Beloved was a sight to behold.

Dark purple eyes turned to him and the boy sat up on the sofa, staring at Soubi with childish curiosity, making Soubi's heart race. The white shirt he was wearing was so thin it's nearly transparent and Soubi found himself wondering about the concealed body beneath the cloth. He quickly shook himself out of his indecent fantasy and reminded himself of what his duty was.

"I am Agatsuma Soubi from the Seven Moons." Soubi said, bowing politely. A part of him wished that he was wrong so that he wouldn't have to taint this beauty but another part of him yearned to posses him. Soubi straightened up, giving the boy the most charming smile he could to hide his inner conflict. "Pardon me, but are you Beloved?"

"So you are from the Seven Moons. I am Beloved." The boy said. Somehow to Soubi he sounded like he's trying to convince himself. Could he be unsure of what he was doing? When he caught Soubi's assessing gaze on him, his face flushed slightly from both embarrassment and displeasure. "What? Don't you trust me?" he accused, pouting slightly in a childish manner.

Soubi had had numerous clients of every gender, background, and age but none of them were this young. He had even accompanied several teenagers in the past but this boy couldn't be more than twelve years old, hardly a teenager at all! What could a child like him wanted from someone like Soubi?

Still, Soubi continued to smile and approached the boy. He knelt in front of him and took his right hand. The hand was so small, pale, and soft, Soubi was unable to hold back the urge to kiss it. "Of course I do, Beloved." The blush upon the boy's pale cheek enticed Soubi but, again, he held himself back and asked instead. "What would you like me to do?"

Beloved looked at him for a moment and Soubi saw hesitation floating in his magnetic eyes briefly. Soubi didn't know what to expect but rather wished that he would tell him that this was a mistake. The folder didn't mention any specific demand other than for him to entertain Beloved for one night but his clients usually only wished for one thing, one thing that he didn't want to do to this boy. But surely this boy wouldn't? "I'll do anything for you." Soubi said in reassurances despite his earlier thoughts.

"Anything?" Beloved repeated, hesitating and questioning. His eyes were bright and innocent as they sought answers in Soubi's.

"Anything." Soubi confirmed, kissing Beloved's knuckles once again lightly to hide his nervousness. For some reason, his heart stirred when Beloved look at him closely like this. What was happening to him?

Beloved was silent for a moment, pondering his answer. His order, spoken with such determination, shook Soubi. "Make love to me."

Soubi was stunned, his smiled drooped just a fraction. Certainly this boy didn't mean what he just said. "… Make love to you?"

"You don't want to?" Beloved asked back quickly, shifting in nervousness. His eyes were slightly accusing, disappointed that Soubi hesitated.

Soubi shook his head despite his own reluctance. He did want to please Beloved. He was afraid though, afraid because he felt like he didn't deserve the honor. But he didn't have the power to refuse in his position. He was here to serve and to please. Convincing himself that he would only be doing his duty and not following his own inappropriate desire, Soubi gave his answer. "If that's what you want, Beloved." He said softly before brushing his lips against the boy's experimentally, giving him a chance to change his mind. Sweet, sweet electricity went through his body at that first contact and Soubi was suddenly afraid, afraid of the emotion stirring wildly inside him. He pulled back and gazed at the flush face so close to his. When he saw only curiosity and expectation on Beloved's face, he pressed their lips together again and deepened the kiss when the boy didn't pull away. He ran his tongue on the seams of the boy's lips, asking for entry which the boy gave with a soft gasp. The boy taste exquisite and sweet to him. Soubi shifted closer and pulled the boy's hips close to him. The moan he swallowed when the boy's hardness rubbed against his stomach made him tremble and his body quickly responded to it. The boy clutched his arms tightly as Soubi kissed him passionately.

Soubi broke the kiss with much difficulty. He ran his lips from the boy's jaw to his ear and whispered, "Here?" He awarded the tremble he got in response with a kiss behind the boy's ear, ignoring the tiny nagging voice n the back of his mind telling him to stop.

The boy whined and sought Soubi's lips again. Their tongues soon danced passionately again as he ground his hardness against Soubi's firm stomach. He broke the kiss when Soubi started to push him onto the sofa. "Bedroom." He gasped out. "Now… please."

Soubi smiled and carried him bridal style out of the room. "If that's what you want, Beloved."

The boy tightened his arms around Soubi's neck. "Don't call me that." He said with a blush. "It's… weird."

The blond smiled gently down at his young client. "Then how should I call you?"

The boy paused, considering. "Call me…. Ritsuka."

* * *

Ritsuka woke up the next morning alone in the big bed. He sighed and threw an arm over his eyes. A wave of headache was slowly coming to him and his body was slightly sore. Had he gone? Ritsuka wondered. He realized that his request was very unusual and wouldn't be very surprised if the man –Agatsuma Soubi, wasn't it?- had decided to leave. Tears stung his eyes from both physical and emotional pain. So he was alone again…

"Good morning, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka removed his arm quickly in surprise. His eyes widened as he watched Soubi placed a tray of breakfast on the drawer and sat on the bed side. "You're still here." He muttered in disbelieve.

"I am. I made breakfast for you." Soubi said with a smile.

Ritsuka nodded mutely and let Soubi placed the breakfast tray on his lap. He barely paid attention to the food (a plate of simple pancake with maple syrup drizzled on top of it) because he for some reason couldn't remove his eyes from the gorgeous young man. He did turn his eyes to the pancake when Soubi caught him staring and smiled at him. Embarrassment colored his skin red as Soubi kept watching intently him while he ate. "Stop watching me!" He finally protested.

"I'm sorry, Ritsuka." Soubi apologized with a wide smile on his face, clearly not feeling sorry for his action. "I hope you don't mind that I'm still here. I see that there's no one else here and decided to make you breakfast before I leave."

Ritsuka paused for a brief second but then resumed eating, his expression now somber. Soubi noticed this of course but didn't ask. Something he said had obviously upset the boy but he wasn't sure what. If the client was unwilling to share then it wasn't his place to ask. An escort was not to get too close to his clients and Soubi always made sure that he remained impersonal in his job. But there was something in Ritsuka that seemed to break his every taboo. Soubi found himself wondering and worrying and unable to hold back his question.

"Did I displease you?" Soubi asked carefully, still smiling.

"No. I'm just surprised that you went as far as making breakfast for me." Ritsuka said without looking at Soubi.

Soubi sensed some kind of hesitance in Ritsuka's voice but dared not ask further if only for his own sake. "I'll do anything to make you happy."

Ritsuka's face flushed brighter now. "Don't say something like that."

"I will do anything for you, Ritsuka. Anything at all that you ask of me." Soubi said. He'd said those words so many times before but somehow this time felt special. This time he truly meant it. He felt an almost desperate urge to please Ritsuka. The feeling was so overwhelming that he started to fear it. What was with this boy that affected him so?

Ritsuka slowly lifted his eyes to meet Soubi's shyly. "Anything?"

"Anything." Soubi said, looking straight into Ritsuka's beautiful mauve eyes.

Ritsuka continued eating but Soubi could see that he was deep in thought. A glance to his wrist watch told him that it was time for him to leave. Regretfully, Soubi stood up and got his suit jacket. "I'm afraid is time for me to leave. Good bye, Ritsuka." He said, bowing low to hide his reluctance and disappointment. He immediately went to the door, fearing his determination would crumble if he stayed too long.

"Wait!" Ritsuka called out just as Soubi's hand touched the door knob. "Would you… would you accompany me again, tonight?"

Soubi paused and turned to the bed. A genuine smile slowly made its way to his face. "I'll be glad to."

The image of Ritsuka smiling beautifully in gratefulness to him accompanied him on his way back to the Seven Moons.


	3. A Futile Escape

A/N: Because too much pron isn't good for the soul but some teasing is XD Enjoy.

Disclaimer: sigh they're still not mine.

**A Futile Escape**

Ritsu was pleased to learn that he was once again demanded by Beloved. While usually Soubi wasn't so happy at the prospect of pleasing his employer, he didn't care much this time. He was anxious for tonight, taking good care to make things perfect. He thought of bringing a bottle of fine wine but decided against it since Ritsuka was still underage. He finally settled for a box of imported chocolate, hoping that like most kids, Ritsuka liked sweets.

The mansion was as silent as the previous night when Soubi arrived. He entered, knowing his presence was expected. This time though, there was no music to guide him, only silence. Soubi had to explore almost every room to find his client. It took him a good couple of minutes to find Ritsuka in a study, thoughtfully staring at the computer screen on a mahogany desk from the working chair behind it. Soubi remained at the door for a while, adoring the expression upon the boy's face as he waited for him to be acknowledged. When Ritsuka proved to be far too engrossed in his mind to take notice of his arrival, he stepped further into the room.

"Good evening, Ritsuka." Soubi greeted him soft enough not to startle the boy.

Ritsuka lifted his eyes to met Soubi's. Again, there was this look in his eyes as if he wasn't sure why the blond was here. "You're here."

Soubi smiled and went to the boy. "I brought you chocolate." He said, showing the boy the wrapped box.

Ritsuka stared at the box in surprise, clearly not expecting any gift at all from Soubi. "You shouldn't." Ritsuka refused, shaking his head, blushing slightly in embarrassment.

"You don't like chocolate?" Soubi asked, wondering if he had made a mistake.

"I do but… you shouldn't have got me anything." Ritsuka answered, alleviating Soubi's doubt.

"Then does it displease you that I brought you something?" Soubi asked again, hiding his worry expertly. Perhaps he had been too carried away, read too much into Ritsuka's invitation, and crossed the line. They were nothing but client and escort, their relationship was to be impersonal. It's true that he shouldn't have done anything that might get him far too intimate with his clients.

"No… It's just that… it's been a while since anyone got me anything." Ritsuka said, looking away as if in shame.

Questions rose within Soubi again, but he held back. He had noticed that Ritsuka seemed uncomfortable talking about himself. It was understandable though that he would prefer to keep his life a secret as many VIP clients do. Soubi had learnt not to ask unless necessary. So why did he feel a burning need to know more?

"Have you had dinner?" Soubi asked, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

Ritsuka nodded. "Would you like something to drink?" The boy asked, walking toward an antique table where a bottle of wine along with a crystal wine glass was placed. Ritsuka opened the bottle with little difficulty and poured some wine to the glass before offering it to Soubi.

Soubi couldn't help but notice that the bottle of wine was no longer sealed and the content was partially gone. He took the glass with a gracious smile but didn't drink it immediately. "Did you have any visitor?" He asked carefully, not wanting to intrude Ritsuka's privacy.

Ritsuka shook his head negatively. "No. Why?" He asked. When he saw Soubi looking at the bottle and raised an eyebrow slightly, Ritsuka immediately realized what he was trying to say and blushed slightly. "It was me."

"Oh." Soubi said neutrally to hide his surprise. Ritsuka was obviously underage and quite honestly, Soubi wasn't too pleased to hear that he had drunk alcohol. Ritsuka didn't seem to be the type of child who was in such a rush to be an adult that he started to copy adults' actions mindlessly, regardless of the fact that he had asked Soubi's companionship.

"It was before you came and…" Ritsuka stopped and looked away, blushing more furiously.

Understanding what wasn't said, Soubi smiled. He took a sip of the fine wine and placed the glass on the desk. Then he knelt before the embarrassed boy, adoring the way red colored Ritsuka's otherwise pale complexion. "Were you nervous?" he asked.

"Of course I was!" Ritsuka said, pouting slightly. He still refused to look at Soubi, unwilling to show his childish innocence.

Soubi had been wondering about Ritsuka's boldness the previous night. Now he had found the answer. Alcohol had strengthened Ritsuka's will, gave him the courage he needed to request what he shouldn't have. But while alcohol explained Ritsuka's surprisingly bold behavior, it didn't explain why he wanted Soubi's companionship in the first place. Surely he wasn't drunk when he made the call to the Seven Moons to request him.

Soubi smiled, hiding his curiosity as he remembered his place. "Ritsuka." He called his young client gently. When Ritsuka turned to him, face still slightly red, Soubi leaned forward a placed a soft kiss on Ritsuka's lips. "What do you want to do tonight?" He asked.

Ritsuka was speechless for a moment, shocked by the kiss. He fidgeted slightly in nervousness, not giving his answer just yet. Without alcohol to numb his manner, Ritsuka was but a lost child. He glared slightly at Soubi, perhaps blaming him for putting him in such uncomfortable situation. Seeing that Soubi's smile didn't deter, however, he took a deep breath and looked away once again. "Make love to me."

Despite having expected such answer, Soubi couldn't help but hesitated. He forced himself to smile however, kneeled, and leaned forward to whisper in Ritsuka's ear. "As you wish, RItsuka."

At first Soubi only brushed his lips lightly on Ritsuka's waiting for some kind of response, even rejection. But aside from the slight trembling, there was nothing else. Ritsuka closed his eyes and leaned forward ever so slightly, surrendering himself completely to Soubi. Slightly thrilled by RIstuka's action, he blond man took a breath, closed his eyes, and sealed their lips together.

Soubi wanted to be careful with Ritsuka's seemingly frail body but he couldn't control the burning desire that raged within him every time he was with Ritsuka. He wrapped his arms around Ritsuka's petit body, gently roaming the covered skin. Ritsuka gasped into his mouth and clutched his shoulders but didn't push him away. Seeing that he wasn't refused more access, Soubi slipped a hand into RItsuka's over-sized white shirt. The boy jumped slightly at the first contact but still didn't stop him. Soubi smiled slightly into their kiss as Ritsuka moaned when he caressed his back lower and lower.

Guilt barely entered his consciousness now. All he was concerned about was how to distract Ritsuka properly from the sting that would accompany what they would soon engage in. He devoured Ritsuka's mouth almost hungrily as his hand moved lower and slipped into the boy's trousers. Ritsuka threw his head back and moaned when Soubi slipped a finger in the crevice between the twin globes of his buttocks. Soubi buried his face in Ritsuka's neck, kissing, nipping, and nuzzling him as Ritsuka slowly rocked his hips onto Soubi's powerful body. The blonde moaned softly, pleased by the reaction he gained, and slipped his finger even further down to caress the tight ring of flesh.

"Ritsuka, may I?" Soubi whispered urgently, his own need throbbed within the confines of his pants.

Ritsuka moaned but then lowered his head to glare at Soubi. What might have been an angry glare lost its effect as a cute blush adorned his face. His beautiful mauve eyes were clouded by unmistakable lust as he growled softly. "Soubi no baka." He said before capturing Soubi's lips in a heated, though inexperienced kiss.

Soubi allowed the boy to kiss him for a while until he couldn't take it anymore. He pulled his hand out of Ritsuka's trousers and lifted the boy to put him onto the desk. Ritsuka broke the kiss with a shocked gasp when he heard several items crashing down onto the floor.

"Wait, this is…"

Soubi paused despite his own desire to embrace the boy as soon as possible. He waited for Ritsuka to continue what he said, stilling completely as to not distract him from his thoughts. Was Ritsuka going to refuse him? Soubi wasn't sure if he should be happy or not by the possibility.

But Ritsuka didn't continue what he was going to say. He shook his head slightly and wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck to pull him down. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter." He whispered with his eyes closed. He leaned up to kiss Soubi again and for the second time lust possessed them.

* * *

Soubi had taken Ritsuka to the bedroom after their tryst in the study, where they once again made love. He had been worried of Ritsuka but when he mentioned it, the boy merely frowned and kissed him into silence. Soubi tried to be as gentle as possible for the rest of the night for as much as his adult desire demanded him to greedily seek his own pleasure, he did not wish to hurt Ritsuka.

He realized that something was not quite right. There was something about the way Ritsuka kept looking away and biting his lips as he move within him that alarmed Soubi. There was Ritsuka's seemingly insatiable desire to please and be pleased even when he was obviously exhausted that told Soubi that he wanted to distract himself from something. What was he hiding from Soubi? Was it related to what he was going to say in the study?

Despite his curiosity, Soubi held his tongue and refrained himself from asking. He knew Ritsuka wouldn't be appreciative of his inquisition. After all, it was his right to withheld something from Soubi, a mere escort. Yes, he must remember his place. He was an escort, that's all he was, that's all he would be. He was to please his clients, fulfilling their fantasies, helping them escape the reality even for a while, and then watched as they walked away to return to a world he never belonged to.

Ritsuka was not an exception. No, he was not.

Soubi watched Ritsuka's sleeping face, lighted by the sunlight that peeked through the curtains. Ritsuka. Perfect, innocent, beautiful Ritsuka. He was not an exception. He would one day return to the life Soubi was not a part of. He would leave. He would leave Soubi all alone.

It was so common. It was a routine. So why did the thought hurt Soubi so?

Ritsuka stirred beside him and, as if realizing Soubi's eyes on him, started to frown slightly. A pout was formed on his pink lips and Soubi had to hold back from kissing him right then and there. Slowly his eyes fluttered open and those mauve eyes were locked onto Soubi.

"Good morning, Ritsuka." Soubi greeted his client with a gentle smile.

Ritsuka blinked, seemingly still a bit confused to find Soubi beside him. "Have you been watching me?" He asked in embarrassment as the situation sank in.

"You're so beautiful." Soubi said without thinking.

Ritsuka began to stammer, embarrassment and anger crossing his face but he seemed to be unable to decide on a proper reaction. In the end he could only look away, not wanting to amuse Soubi with his confusion.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself." Soubi apologized, seeing Ritsuka's discomfort.

At first Ritsuka said nothing but then he turned to Soubi and shifted closer to him. Soubi forced himself to stay still, waiting for an order or a suggestion of what Ritsuka might want. He watched Ritsuka closely as the boy ran his hand on his bare chest, down to his abdomen, and settled on his hips. His body reacted to the touch quickly but still he waited. It was a torment, though, to merely watch as Ritsuka explored his body timidly, caressing his skin softly, never staying in one spot long enough to give him full pleasure. Ritsuka paused with his hand on Soubi's waist and then pressed their bodies close, burying his face on Soubi's chest.

"Stay with me today." He murmured softly.

Soubi wrapped an arm around Ritsuka's back, caressing the boy comfortingly. He pushed aside his internal turmoil, deciding to focus on Ritsuka instead. He was an escort after all, a tool to please. He was not to have any feeling and emotion. Why it was so difficult to keep it that way around Ritsuka, he didn't know. But he wouldn't give himself away. "As you wish, Ritsuka."

* * *

"Welcome back, Sou-chan!" Kio greeted Soubi when they met on the hall that night. "You've been awfully busy these past two days but you seemed to be glowing every time you got back. Did the boss give you a demanding client?" He asked with a suggestive smirk.

Soubi smiled at his friend. To others his smile was as beautiful as always but Kio knew better than to assume that Soubi's smiles reflect his happiness. "Not really. But he seems to like me."

"What's he like?" Kio asked, following Soubi to his room –his client wouldn't mind waiting a bit longer. He felt that something was amiss. Soubi was usually indifferent about his clients, undisturbed despite however they treated him. But this time, he seemed a bit troubled by the mysterious client. Kio couldn't help but wonder what had stirred the tranquility of Soubi's heart.

"He's okay. Very sweet. Very nice." Soubi said. His grip on his key tightened as he recalled the softness of Ritsuka's skin when he touched him, the warmth of his body when he possessed him, the sweetness of his voice when Ritsuka pleaded him wordlessly, and the innocence in his eyes when Ritsuka saw the burning need in Soubi's blue orbs. "He is very nice."

"Really?" Kio said, trying not to sound too skeptical.

Soubi unlocked his door and turned to Kio. "Aren't you supposed to accompany your client?" He asked with a sweet smile, asking him politely to leave.

Kio wanted to protest but Soubi was right and Ritsu was not kind when a client protested about one of his employees' behaviors. "I'll see you later, then." He said, not having any other choice. He blew Soubi a kiss as he walked to the elevator.

Soubi smiled and went into his room. Nothing had changed in his room since he left yesterday night but he felt something was missing. Had his room always been so empty? No, he wasn't talking about the gifts from his clients that he placed around his room. There were indeed many of them in his room, vainly trying to give some personality to the space. But the only kinds of personality they projected were emptiness and loneliness. And weren't they appropriate to describe Soubi?

Soubi lay on his bed and tried not to think of Ritsuka.

* * *

A/N: Not too bad, I think. But what do _you_ think?


	4. Painful Lies

A/N: the next chapter will be the one that explains all your questions and confusions. This chapter is short because I'm saving my energy for it.

Disclaimer: not mine

**Painful Lies**

Soubi froze in the doorway, eyes glued to the boy calmly reading a book on the sofa. But this time, it wasn't the innocent display of sensuality that earned his attention, it wasn't the way the over-sized shirt rode up to reveal the patch of skin he had worshiped many times before, it wasn't the way the mauve eyes focused to try make sense of the words in the thick book.

"Soubi," Ritsuka greeted him when he noticed his presence.

The soft voice shook Soubi out of his stupor. He tried to calm himself, but failed. Fisting his hands slightly, he strode over to the boy and knelt in front of him. Wordlessly, he pulled Ritsuka's right hand towards him, ignoring the brief look of surprise on the boy's face. He frowned slightly as he examined the bandage covering the wound there.

"What happened?" Soubi asked quietly.

Fury and concern raged inside him. The intense feelings scared him, but he was unable to control them. Never in his life had he ever been so overwhelmed by anger as he was at this very moment; not when he was thrown away to the streets by his abusive parents, not when he was raped by Ritsu, not when he was sent to his first client had he ever felt such violent hatred. Soubi looked up to his young client, searching for answer in his eyes.

"I slipped while I was in the garden and my hand got pierced by a branch." Ritsuka answered, pulling his hand back. He turned his eyes back to the book, appearing nonchalant about his injury.

"I'm all right."

"Are you sure?" Soubi asked for confirmation.

"Yes, I am." Ritsuka answered, annoyed.

Soubi was no fool. He knew the wound couldn't have come from something as simple as a branch. From the way blood had slightly seeped into the cloth, the wound must be pretty deep. Whatever had caused the wound, it was very unlikely to be a simple branch.

Soubi wanted to press further, but remembered Ritsuka's annoyance earlier. Clearly, the boy was unwilling to share more and Soubi didn't want to upset him. It was a client's right after all to keep his private life secret. Soubi leaned forward to brush his lips against Ritsuka's uninjured hand and hid his troubled expression. "What would you like to do tonight?" He asked for the umpteenth time.

Ritsuka's whispered answer and timid kiss no longer surprised him, but the intensity of his own emotion as he kissed back did. Soubi closed his eyes and vainly tried to ward away the hatred. It was useless. His control always slipped away whenever Ritsuka was involved. He hated it. He hated Ritsuka and how the boy had weakened him. In addition, he wanted it. He wanted Ritsuka. He wanted how Ritsuka made him stop pretending to be strong. Soubi was confused and lost and Ritsuka was only a small child moaning in his arms.

The wound on his hand wasn't the only thing Ritsuka hid from him, Soubi discovered in their sexual exploration. Ritsuka kept pushing his hand away every time he tried to uncover more of his enticing flushed skin, but Soubi managed to see the fresh red marks marring the slightly exposed skin of his chest. He panted as he leaned down and denied the urge to kiss them.

Who had done this to Ritsuka? What had he done to warrant this? For all Soubi knew, Ritsuka was a kind child whose only sin was perhaps his curiosity. How could anyone do this? How could anyone hurt Ritsuka?

Soubi paused mid-thrust, drawing a gasping whine from Ritsuka, but he ignored it and took Ritsuka's hand to kiss the blood soaked bandage. Soubi closed his eyes to hide the anguish he could no longer contain.

"Soubi…" Ritsuka moaned out, wriggling his hips slightly to urge Soubi to move.

Soubi let his hair cover his face as he resumed his slow pace. "Ritsuka." He whispered into the covered hand. "Ritsuka... Ritsuka… Ritsuka…" He chanted along with Ritsuka's pleasure induced moans. He never despised his weak existence more than this moment.

* * *

Ritsuka was tiny and frail, and yet he fit perfectly in Soubi's arms. His bloody bandage felt cold against Soubi's chest. The overwhelming emotions stirred inside Soubi. There was anger, fear, compassion, concern, hate… He was lost. The cool mask he had maintained for so many years had easily cracked under the gentle fingertips of this boy.

Why did it feel so right? Why did it feel like this was where he belonged? Why did he feel like here was where he must remain, by Ritsuka's side, forever? Why did he feel such a powerful urge to make him happy, to protect him, to… to love him?

Soubi never knew love. He knew hatred, anger, resignation, and even a little bit of contentment, but he never knew love. There was no love on the streets, where the strongest survive and the weak suffer until death. There was no love in what he offered to his other client's, only lust or an imitation of love at best. He never cared much about love, he thought of it as a concept beyond his world. Until Ritsuka…

Ritsuka made him feel again, made him human again, as no one else ever could, Ritsuka entered his once frozen heart and warmed it. The warmth frightened him. Soubi had never experienced anything near this before. He cursed himself endlessly for losing his control whenever Ritsuka was involved, but it was useless. The feeling wouldn't go away no matter how much he began to loathe himself. Yes, he had begun to loathe himself and whoever had done this to Ritsuka, but he could never loathe the person who made him into this weak being. He could never loathe Ritsuka.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka called out softly, stirring in his embrace.

A smile immediately and automatically formed on Soubi's face, but this time he wondered just how much it concealed. Could Ritsuka see through him? Could Ritsuka see what he put him through? No, it seemed. The boy stretched his body felinely, unaware of the lust radiating from the blonde's body and the emotion swirling in his mind.

"Does it hurt?" Soubi asked, glancing toward the bloody bandage.

Ritsuka brought up his hand for inspection. An expression of indifference settled on his face, betrayed only by faint signs of fear and sadness in his mauve eyes. "Not really." He replied.

Soubi knew he lied, could feel it, sense it in his soul. His heart ached for Ritsuka, because he knew that the boy tried so hard not to feel. Despite having done just that most times in his life, Soubi couldn't help but think it was wrong. Ritsuka was only a child, he deserved to be vulnerable, and he deserved to cry, to laugh, to feel, to be human, to be what Soubi didn't have the chance to be.

"Ritsuka."

The boy looked at him with innocent curiosity, oblivious to his swirling adult emotions. Soubi refrained from leaning down to kiss Ritsuka and obey his desire again. Instead, he held Ritsuka and brought it between them, as if to remind him of the line he must not cross. He took a moment to assess Ritsuka, hoping the feeling –whatever it was- would diminish and he wouldn't have to do this, but if anything, it grew stronger and stronger each passing second. Soubi could feel it eating away at his fraying control, overwhelming him, winning his body, heart and soul.

"Don't ask for me again tomorrow."

A frown formed on the boy's smooth forehead. "Why?" He asked, slightly shifting away from his escort. The betrayed look on Ritsuka's face caused more pain than Soubi thought possible. He swallowed back the ache and forced on a smile. "Don't you need to rest?"

Ritsuka opened his mouth to say something, but then changed his mind, pulled his hand away, and turned his back on Soubi. "Fine."

Soubi clenched his jaw, feeling guilty for lying to Ritsuka. Was this the right thing to do? Should he take his words back? No. He shouldn't. He shouldn't let himself become lost in the embrace of the frail boy. He was an escort, an object, and an object does not feel.

Soubi draped himself over Ritsuka's bare back and reveled in the sweet scent and soft skin. Soon, it would have to be pushed back to the back of his mind, sealed away forever. Soon, he must forget. He couldn't afford to be hurt, he couldn't afford to give away what little was left of his heart. "I'm sorry, Ritsuka." He whispered.

Ritsuka was silent for a while, but then Soubi felt his hand lightly touched his arm. "It's fine." The boy replied softly, kindly.

Soubi nodded and buried his face in Ritsuka's hair. This was the right thing to do. This was the best thing for the both of them, but then why did it feel so wrong?

**TBC**

A/N: hope this worth the wait. What do you think?


	5. Undeniable Truth

A/N: I'm sorry that this took so long. My beta still hasn't returned it and since I feel really guilty for leaving this for so long, I decided to post it now. I'm sorry for the long wait and the typos (I know there are plenty) m(_ _)m

Disclaimer: they're not mine

**Undeniable Truth**

This didn't make sense. This was insane. This wasn't how it's supposed to be.

Soubi had asked Ritsuka not to ask for him to clear his mind. He needed to sort his thoughts and emotions for the boy. Too many things had changed since the he met Ritsuka and it scared Soubi. He didn't know who he was anymore. He was supposed to be cold, distant, strong, unattached. But Ritsuka had turned him into a fragile, needy person, everything that he had been and couldn't afford to turn back into. He could have nothing but pain by returning to the way he had been in the past. So Soubi had decided to run away, thinking that time will help rearrange his mind and returned him to the person he was supposed to be.

But a day had barely passed since the last time he met Ritsuka and he couldn't get the boy out of his mind. He longed to have him in his arms again, feel him under his hands and lips, taste him, have him, belong to him completely. The need was driving him insane. Soubi was restless in the way he never was before and it was because of a young boy!

Guilt no longer bothered him. True, Ritsuka was only a child and he might have ruined his innocence. But he was convinced now that Ritsuka, just like he did before, had matured before time. That child had known and understood more than he should know in his tender age. He willingly chose to lose his innocence little by little by offering it to Soubi while Soubi had been forced to give his up and by doing that had perhaps retained some of his childish trait.

His body was that of a child but Soubi could easily see him as an adult, or a young adult. Soubi could see him as an equal, someone who understood what he had gone through. Soubi worshiped Ritsuka's innocence as what he could never have back, adored him as what he couldn't be, wanted him as what he never had. It was wrong, he knew, to want Ritsuka, a child, a client, but Soubi couldn't help it. He wanted Ritsuka, more than he wanted to avenge his lost childhood, more than he wanted to please himself. He wanted Ritsuka, needed him, craved him, yearned for him… loved him.

The view of sunrise from his room was spectacular but Soubi barely paid attention to it. His eyes were locked to the horizon blankly. He felt cold, empty, alone, incomplete. He knew only Ritsuka could fill that gap for him. Ritsuka… his light, his love, his life…

"Sou-chan?"

Soubi barely glanced at the source of the voice. His mind only registered that it didn't belong to Ritsuka. He said nothing, keeping his eyes on the skyline, hoping he could leave this place and go meet Ritsuka to apologize and confess his need to be with him, possess him, be possessed by him. He cursed his cage and the chain that bind him down. He knew he had no choice but wait and see if Fate and Ritsuka would be so kind as to give a second chance to live, really live, and love.

"That's a good wine you have there. May I join you?"

As usual, Kio didn't wait for his permission to sit down on the chair opposite to his and pour himself a glass of wine. He made a comment about how Soubi's room had a better view than his as he sat back and enjoyed the wine while watching the sight of the waking world outside the glass window. The green haired young man looked energetic despite the early hour. Usually this would lead to a playful banter but they were quiet this time, sitting opposite of each other in a heavy silence.

"Have your client been treating you badly?" Kio was never one to beat around the bush, something that Soubi found amusing and endlessly entertaining. Kio never hesitated in asking what he wanted to know, especially when it concerned those he deeply cared for. Though Soubi appreciate the thought, he couldn't fully respond to it.

The blond shook his head slowly. "Beloved has been very kind to me." He said quietly. Yes, Ritsuka had been very kind to him, the same kindness that brought Soubi to his doom, the beginning of his life. It was him who ruined everything.

"Beloved? Is that you VIP client's name?" Kio asked inquisitively. "I haven't heard of him." He ran his eyes over Soubi's listless appearance. The sunrise had brought color to Soubi's normally pale complexion, giving him a livelier appearance. But something in his cold blue eyes seemed distant, even more so than usual. Kio knew Soubi well enough that the tall blond never let the wall around his heart down around anyone. Yet this time he seemed lethargic, vulnerable in ways that Kio hoped he could invoke. "What did he do to you? Did he hurt you?"

Soubi shook his head again. "No." He paused, closing his eyes for a moment to recall the feel of Ritsuka's skin on his hands, his soft voice on his ears, his sweet lips on his, his beautiful eyes on him. His heart clenched painfully from the unbearable longing. How he wished to see him again! "He never hurt me."

"You don't seem very well since you returned from his place yesterday. Something must've happened!"

"He didn't hurt me." Soubi persisted. "It was me…"

"What?"

"It was my fault…"

"Sou-chan…"

"Kio, can you leave me for a moment?" Soubi said, finally looking at Kio for the first time since he entered his room. He didn't know what Kio would see in his eyes, he didn't even know himself anymore. But he knew Kio understood that he needed this moment for himself, that Kio wasn't the one to witness this side of Soubi. He recognized resilience in Kio's eyes but knew that Kio knew he persisted.

"I'll come back to bring your breakfast." Kio said, final.

Soubi knew he would come back to ask again. He didn't quite wish to talk about it but couldn't argue for the moment. He nodded in silent agreement, giving Kio that small victory. He closed his eyes again after Kio left his room, feeling tired, sad, angry, mournful, knowing that his only cure was Ritsuka, his love.

* * *

"So what happened?" Kio said soon as he set down the tray of Soubi's breakfast on a small table in front of the blond. The fact that Soubi hadn't moved from his previous position nearly two hours ago made him worried and him more determined to find out what had truly happened for as long as he had known Soubi Kio had never seen him lacking so much control and composure. Who was this client? What had he done to Soubi?

"Nothing, Kio." Soubi said quietly, glancing at his breakfast, not having any appetite for food.

"Don't give me that! You've been weird, like a lovesick teenager!" Kio chided the blond. He knew something was very wrong when he received no response from Soubi. There was no cynical remark, no smirk, nothing. Soubi simply accepted his accusation, he simply admitted… "Sou-chan…" He began, shock, happiness, anger, jealousy, and fear mingling in his chest.

The knocking on the door interrupted Kio. After giving a brief glance to Soubi who didn't seem to be inclined to move away from his seat or gave his permission to the guest to enter, Kio went to open the door himself. His annoyance turned into surprise when he saw their employer standing outside the door.

"May I enter?" Ritsu asked coolly to Kio, seemingly unsurprised to find his green-haired employee in Soubi's room at all.

Kio threw another glance at Soubi's still form and nodded. He could only sense a slight change in the atmosphere but it was enough to inform him that Soubi was at least slightly disturbed by the latest addition to the room. He waited near the door, wanting to stay to support Soubi despite his unease toward Ritsu.

"Aren't you going to greet your employer?" Ritsu asked quietly, with a hint of venom in his silky voice. He waited for a biting response but received only a slight narrowing of Soubi's eyes. He observed the blond carefully, not missing the almost unnoticeable disarray of his usually meticulous appearance. "What has happened between you and Beloved?" He asked, knowing for certain that the name would bring a response from the blond.

"It's none of your business." Soubi answered.

Ritsu hummed slightly and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "In fact it _is_ my business. Therefore I would like to know why Beloved has refrained from calling you again today." He lifted his eyes to pierce into Soubi. "Have you displeased him?"

The coldness in Ritsu's voice clearly showed his displeasure toward the regression in Soubi and Beloved's relation. For Beloved to stop asking for Soubi after asking him so many days in a row was suspicious. Ritsu has been quietly keeping his eyes on his employees and knew that Soubi hadn't been himself since he returned from Beloved's estate two days ago. He knew that something had happened there, something that had disturbed them enough to put a stall toward Beloved's demand to his best escort.

Ritsu knew that Soubi wasn't foolish enough to anger a VIP client. They both understood the risk of upsetting a high class member of the society. Soubi, despite his occasional defiance, always put his best behavior when dealing with this type of clients. These clients' praises and more requests for Soubi brought pride to Ritsu. He knew then that his harsh training and the time he spent on Soubi didn't go to waste. Soubi knew how to please, even if his heart and body tried to rebel.

So what had happened this time? What had Soubi done to create this disturbing situation? What had that client done to shake Soubi's control?

"… I might have." Soubi answered quietly, after closing his eyes in wariness.

"Did he treat you badly?"

"No, he didn't." Soubi's answer was quicker this time, his eyebrows puckering slightly as if in annoyance.

"You're not going to let me know the reason why he stopped asking for you." Ritsu stated. He waited for response and sighed when he received none. He turned back and headed toward the door, knowing that Soubi's mind had been set. He stopped after several steps, glancing back toward the still young man. "Beloved asked for you again tomorrow."

Though he didn't turn long enough to look, Ritsu could tell that Soubi's widening eyes turned to him after he said that. He smirked, as he left the room, grasping the victory tightly. He knew now of Soubi's weakness.

* * *

Soubi was still stunned even after Ritsu's departure. He was deaf to Kio's incessant questioning, staring at the door through which Ritsu left s he tried to digest what his employer just said.

Beloved asked for him again? _Ritsuka_ asked for him again? Why?

Soubi had thought that by giving them time away from each other they would be able to bring them a clearer perspective. Soubi would be able to regain his control over his emotion and Ritsuka would be able to understand how wrong this was. Soubi had admitted defeat, acknowledging his feelings for the boy despite the pain but still he didn't wish for Ritsuka to hurt. Didn't Ritsuka understand how wrong this was to the world? How the world could hurt him if he were to pursue this? Soubi was familiar with the pain the world caused, the feeling of being abandoned and shunned by the rest of the world. He knew well the loneliness, the hatred, the jealousy, the pain of being alone. He didn't wish Ritsuka to know that.

But Ritsuka was asking for him again. Sweet, beautiful Ritsuka was calling him again? Why? What for? He was no fool, he understood the taboo of their relationship. Ritsuka must've understood the risk. Then why? Why not?

Hope bubbled within Soubi, casting lights upon his dark reflection. Could it be that Ritsuka felt at least a fraction of what he felt? Could it be that his feeling wasn't entirely unreciprocated? Was there a chance for him, a chance to love and be loved?

Soubi drove almost erratically to the Butterfly Mansion. He barely noticed the familiar route, the familiar trees looming over the small road leading to the mansion, the large empty yard, the quiet rooms, the silent halls… He let his heart led him, knowing that it would find whom he was searching for. He stopped at one room, the study, finding what he sought and felt his body nearly melt in the warmth of love.

Ritsuka was standing near a tall shelf with a thick book in his hand, too engrossed in it to notice Soubi's arrival. His pale skin glowed in the sunlight, the warm breeze entering through the open windows played with his thin oversized white shirt, his mauve eyes glinted as they absorbed the secrets of the words that add to his own mystery, his pink lips opened to quietly whisper them to the still patient air. Soubi was entranced, was in love. He found himself not caring of the possible pain because this sight, this boy, this love, was worth it.

Soubi didn't know how long he had stood by the door, staring. Time seemed to stand still –he hoped it stood still so that he could gaze at Ritsuka like this forever. He asked for nothing more, nothing but to stay here forever, watch Ritsuka, be with Ritsuka, love Ritsuka. But the spell was gently broken by a look from Ritsuka who finally realized his presence.

"Soubi?"

Soubi stared into the deep mauve eyes, drowned himself in the bottomless mystery and compassion in there. His heart expanded in his chest almost painfully. Love hurts! Yes, love hurts! And Soubi hurt, hurt so much for Ritsuka! And he didn't care because this pain, this love was for Ritsuka! Ritsuka! Ritsuka!

Ritsuka gasped when Soubi wordlessly embraced him tightly. He tried to push the tall young man away and succeeded briefly only to have him pressing against him again, raining kisses onto his face and then claimed his lips in deep, soulful, passionate kiss. Surprised, Ritsuka put up an initial resistance, pushing Soubi's chest away and trying to pull away from the kiss. But Soubi was persistent, hugging him tighter as he explored his warm cavern desperately, seeking assurances, leaving temporary mark, sating his burning desire vainly. Eventually Ritsuka gave up and clutched Soubi's shirt as he attempted to kiss back, an effort awarded by an enthusiastic flick of hand on his trouser.

"Soubi…" He gasped out when Soubi finally allow him a brief second to breathe. His breath was stolen again however as Soubi once again latched their lips together in another mind-blowing kiss. "Soubi… Soubi…"

Soubi groaned, loving the way his name was called by Ritsuka's trembling voice. He pressed one last kiss onto Ritsuka's swollen lips before kneeling. He made a quick work of Ritsuka's trouser, revealing what he had longed for for two agonizing days, the evidence that Ritsuka needed him. Soubi wasted no time, enveloping Ritsuka in his experienced mouth immediately. He heard Ritsuka's cry of shock, revel on the way Ritsuka clutched his hair almost painfully and begged him to stop. But he wouldn't stop! Couldn't stop! He inhaled Ritsuka's scent, tasted him on his palate, felt him all around him, heard his voice, saw his face and still it wasn't enough. Soubi doubled his effort, gripping the boy's hips tightly as he caressed the young arousal with his tongue and sucked on it hungrily. Soon he felt the tightening of small hands on him, the raise the pitch of the voice, the tensing of muscles beneath clothing and skin. He moaned happily as Ritsuka's flavor spread on his mouth, drank it greedily, but still it wasn't enough. He released the boy and looked into glazed mauve eyes. How he needed the boy to make him his!

"Ritsuka…"

"Ritsuka."

Soubi froze upon hearing the strange voice. He turned around slowly to see the intruder. Piercing dark eyes stared back at him and Soubi immediately felt chilled. There was something about the handsome face of the young man that put him at unease. Who was he? What was he doing here?

"Seimei…"

Soubi glanced at Ritsuka in askance and discovered more than he wanted. The boy's eyes, glazed only seconds ago, were now soft in affection. His slightly slack jaw spoke of endless adoration, the curving of his lips told a story of happiness, his voice spoke with such longing that pierced Soubi's heart painfully.

"You've come." Ritsuka whispered.

"I've promised to take you, haven't I?" The gentleness of his voice was now matched by his face and his eyes. But darkness still lurked there, hovering just beyond consciousness, ready to devour Ritsuka.

Soubi tried to warn Ritsuka but he was too late. The boy escaped from him to run toward the young man –Seimei, was it?- to embrace him tightly like he never embraced Soubi, giggled softly like Soubi never heard before. Who was this person? Who was he to Ritsuka? Soubi stood up slowly, watching the scene before him, feeling his heart cracked even more.

"You were gone for so long…" Ritsuka whined softly, in a childish voice Soubi was not privileged to hear.

"But here I am. For you. _My_ Ritsuka."

Then Seimei bent down to gently kiss Ritsuka's lips –the same lips that Soubi just claimed minutes ago. Ritsuka didn't fight, raising his head to meet the pressure, innocently asking for more. Soubi clenched his hands into fists tightly as Seimei obliged to the silent request, coaxing Ritsuka's lips open with his mouth, then marking him, marking him as his as Soubi should be doing.

Soubi could tell that this Seimei was as enticed as he was by Ritsuka, could see it in the way he looked, touched, called the boy. And he could tell by the smoldering look he gave Ritsuka that his desire to possess Ritsuka far outweighed his rationale. He could tell by the way he grip Ritsuka's waist tightly even after he broke the kiss that he yearn to possess Ritsuka much, much more than he wished to be possessed by Ritsuka. Soubi didn't like him, didn't like where this was going at all.

"Ritsuka…" he tried again, in soft, desperate voice. He wanted to reach Ritsuka, pull him away from the young man's grip, shake him into awareness of the young man's true motives. But he could only stand rooted to the spot, Seimei's dark eyes paralyzing him. Black wavy hair, dark eyes, black turtleneck shirt, dark trousers; Seimei was a mysterious beauty, evil in disguise. Soubi was familiar with such armor of tenderness that covered the ugliness inside but he had never seen one like Seimei. His darkness seemed to glow, engulfing everything around him, mercilessly defeating all that might stand as light. All but one. All but Ritsuka.

"Who is this?" Seimei asked with his silky voice. Yet Soubi could sense hatred, disgust, and rage there, wrapped around a thin layer of venomous kindness. Soubi was not fooled but Ritsuka was.

Ritsuka blinked as if not quite realizing the situation. He clung to Seimei, looked up to him in question, then turned to Soubi. "Oh… this is Agatsuma Soubi of the Seven Moons… Soubi, this is Seimei, my brother." Then he paused, a shy but determined smile forming on his childish face. "My lover."

^__^

A/N: what do you think? I know I said something about revealing everything in this chapter but when I wrote it I realized that it's not possible yet. It'll be in the ext chapter which I am still working on. I should have known better than to multitask...


	6. Bitter Revenge

A/N: Personally, I don't think it's the best chapter. It's very difficult to get the characters IC and the stress wasn't helping me. It's going to be the last update for a long while because I will be away for two months. Check my LJ for detail if you care. Unbeta-ed and you might be able to tell that I've been reading Lolita again. That wonderful book is a bad influence for my psyche *sighs* Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I hereby disclaimed Loveless.

**Bitter Revenge**

Sad could not begin to describe Soubi's feeling when he returned to the Seven Moons two hours later. The pain was so overwhelming he felt numb. If he had thought that the two days he spent without Ritsuka was torment but this was beyond the pain he felt then, this was beyond torture, the agony that set his soul throbbing and ablaze was nameless yet real.

_My brother. My lover._

What did Ritsuka mean? Who was this Seimei? The kiss they had shared before Soubi earlier was anything but innocent, the desire in it had stabbed Soubi's heart –or what was left of it, painfully. They couldn't be mere siblings… if they were really siblings to begin with. The dark locks of hair, captivating eyes, and pale skin were shared. The physical resemblance was uncanny. But lovers? It couldn't possibly be. But then Soubi had never seen such gentle look upon Ritsuka's face. He had never seen Ritsuka smiled happily. Ritsuka had never seen him with such adoring eyes. It was mere curiosity and lust that graced his eyes, his mouth, his touches whenever he was with Soubi. There was no affection that he had shown towards Seimei.

He recalled Seimei's graceful indifference as he sat behind the desk to write down a cheque for him. The cold smile he gave Soubi when he handed him the slip of paper with a formally spoken 'thank you for your service' frightened Soubi. With the same smile the dark haired young man called his assistant, another cold beauty, to see him to the gate. Soubi had hoped that Ritsuka would try to stop him but the boy was talking to Seimei happily while he worked on papers his assistant had presented him earlier. Soubi had wanted to call out for the boy, to beg him to make him stay, or to leave with him but his voice failed him. He hadn't realized it hurt so much to be ignored by Ritsuka.

_My brother. My lover._

Who was Soubi to Ritsuka? What could he do? What should he do? Should he take Ritsuka away, claim him as his own as he dreamt? Should he wait for what might never be? He knew he had nothing to offer but himself. He didn't know much about Ritsuka's life but what little he knew of it told him that the boy lived a life far from poverty, a life he could not promise Ritsuka. Should he proceed with his selfishness, took him away when he knew not what await them? But could he remain in silence, quietly craving for the forbidden? Could he bear the loneliness after having a brief taste of love? Could he survive without Ritsuka?

The stars glittered down from the dark night sky, mocking him and his loneliness. Alone, cold, forgotten, as he used to be.

* * *

Ritsu couldn't decide whether to feel amused or saddened by the sight that greeted him. His favorite employee, the stoic, beautiful Soubi, the lovelorn fool staring into the distant sky, undoubtedly longing for his Beloved. What a sight. Ritsu almost gave in to his desire for beauty but held himself back. No, it wasn't time for that. It was time to observe. It was time for amusement.

Certainly this was amusing. He had thought –he had believed!- that he had broken Soubi. That first and last night he only wanted to test the boy, see how much it would take to crack his shell. He had seen the gap grew wider and wider, leaving only a void, a beautiful void that many wished to drown in. He had thought there was nothing one could do to mend him. The scar was carved too deep by Ritsu himself and many others who knew only to take but never to give. He had felt a certain pride as he observed Soubi bloomed into a frozen flower, eternally beautiful, eternally unattainable. He ignored the temptations for the sake of preserving the rare beauty he knew he would find nowhere else.

But then he made a small mistake. He had not foreseen it. He had not thought it was possible. The mistake was disguised so artistically that he overlooked it. _Beloved_. He should've known. The name should have warned him. _Beloved_. The one who was loved. The one who was loved by the unloved. The one who was loved by Soubi.

"What exactly happened between you and Beloved?" he asked coldly, not knowing how to show sympathy that Soubi might need.

Soubi closed his eyes, showing an expression of concealed pain. "Nothing." He answered quietly.

"We both know it's not true." He waited for a response but Soubi chose silence. What a fool. What a lovelorn fool. "I have trained you better than to displease your customers so I believe that wasn't the case."

The tiny frown was his answer. Ritsu smirked, pleased to see the bitter child he had created. He wanted to see more but a certain curiosity nagged him. He wanted to preserve the bitter, cold, rare beauty. He wanted to see how much it took to completely freeze a heart. But then again…

"I expect an explanation later but for now I suggest you prepare yourself. Beloved is coming for you tonight."

Isn't it more entertaining to see it break to pieces?

* * *

Beloved? Beloved came to see him?

Anxiety almost held Soubi immobile. He had thought he was abandoned. He had thought he was left alone for good. But now Beloved came to see him. Beloved came for him! He wasn't forgotten. He wasn't forsaken. He wasn't thrown away again.

Excitement and nervousness made him tremble as he prepared himself. The pattern brought only a semblance of comfort. He couldn't dismiss the fear completely. Why would Beloved come to see him? Was he going to end everything now that his lover returned? Was he going to choose the strange beauty over Soubi's soiled body? Why would he choose someone like Soubi over somebody as regal as Seimei apparently was?

The time ticked away, Soubi sat on the edge of the bed, feeling restless inside despite his calm countenance. Should he look forward for the arrival that might end his dreams, the first dreams he had in his entire life? Should he wish for a delay and let the longing eat his heart? Soubi couldn't decide. He didn't want to decide. He knew time was merciless, it would take the choices away from him. So Soubi watched the door, preparing himself for pain, knowing well that he would never be prepared at all.

The light knocking on his door made his heart leapt. He stood up slowly, took a deep breath to calm himself vainly, and went to open the door. He hesitated, touching the door knob lightly. Why did he seek for pain? Hadn't he had enough? Hadn't he experienced it too many times already? What was he searching for? Why did he hope? What did he hope for from Beloved? What could he offer but sorrow?

But what was the use of running away? There was nowhere for him to go. Whichever path he chose, there was only despair. He had learnt to not hope for happiness, he had stopped those dreams long ago. He had abandoned all wishes for happiness. But Beloved had awakened them, made him believe the possibilities again during those nights of passion. It was not meant to be, it was wrong, it was forbidden, but he didn't care. It was love –yes, it was love- and it could never be wrong. Soubi twisted the door knob and opened the door, preparing himself for anything.

But nothing could prepare him for the sight that greeted him. His body chilled when he saw the dark beauty smiling at him. It was a pleasant smile but Soubi sensed wrath and raging envy behind it.

"Good evening, Soubi-kun." Seimei greeted him politely. "May I come in?"

Soubi stepped aside tensely, allowing his guest to enter his room. Where was Ritsuka? What was he doing here? Soubi watched the young man assess his room, his attention ensnared by the beautiful view outside. What did he want? What did he want from Soubi?

"You must be wondering what I'm doing here." Seimei began. He turned to Soubi, still smiling that deceitful smile. If only Soubi couldn't see the hate shining behind his eyes, he would have been taken by it. But no, Soubi sensed danger from this young man; a danger more than Ritsu or any of his previous tormentor could ever present. "You must be wondering where Ritsuka is."

"I am not expecting you. I am expecting Beloved." Soubi finally found his voice.

Seimei's smile grew slightly wider. "Then you are expecting me. I am Beloved." He pulled the chair near the window and gestured to it. "Why don't you sit down here, Soubi-kun? You look quite shaken."

Soubi obeyed him with little hesitance. There was a power in Seimei's voice and eyes that he could not fight even if a part of him urged him to refuse, a tiny part defeated by myriads of questions flooding his brain. He sat on the chair and tried to gather his thoughts. What was he saying? He was Beloved? But his order was clear. Ritsu would not make a mistake. He was ordered to go to the mansion to see Beloved and Ritsuka was the only one there. The boy had confirmed it, too. Ristuka said he was Beloved, he was the one who asked for Soubi's company… He was Beloved…

"You see, Soubi-kun, _my_ Ritsuka has apparently deceived you." Seimei began his explanation with a light mocking tone. "He told you that he was Beloved but the truth is that he has assumed my codename and used it to ask for you." He stopped, enjoying the sight of Soubi's quite obvious shock. "I was introduced to the Seven Moons three years ago, when I assumed my father's position in our company after his passing. I was intrigued, I must admit, and so I become a member of it. I never had the chance to use it, though, for I am almost constantly occupied by menial task and of course…" He paused to smile. Soubi could see that this time it was a little more genuine though no less dangerous and frightening. "Ritsuka."

Soubi watched the young man warily. He wished he was being lied to but he could sense that this was the truth. Seimei wasn't the kind of person who made up lies; he was the kind who twisted the truth to fit his convenience. Seimei wouldn't come here just to lie to Soubi, he came to expose the painful truth.

"I left for Europe several months ago to attend a certain business. Before my departure, I have arranged for Ritsuka to stay in the mansion until my return. I could not leave him at home. You see, our mother is not one you would call very stable. She is especially difficult toward Ritsuka. I believe you have seen the results of her 'affection' toward him."

Soubi's breath caught, recalling the sight of Ritsuka's tiny wounded body. So Ritsuka lied after all. They were not wounds from carelessness. He had been abused by his own mother. Was that why he was reluctant to tell Soubi? Was that why he lied? Was he trying to protect her? Was he unwilling to trust Soubi? The idea tore Soubi more than he thought it would. Was his feelings unreturned after all?

"I carefully arranged so that Ritsuka's whereabouts remained unknown. Only several people know his position; the servants I ordered to take care of him quietly behind our mother's back. The plan went well until several days ago when she discovered him. Thankfully some servants had been quick to persuade her to return home and I believed that there should be no more problem. Aside from that error, I thought I have been careful. But I made a slight mistake." There, Seimei paused. His smile faltered slightly and he seemed upset. He seemed to be angry to himself, to mistakes he should not have been capable of making. "Being left alone, naturally Ritsuka felt restless. He tried to contact me several times but I was too occupied with work. It was then that he remembered this 'club' I once told him about. He recalled that I am a member and used my codename to ask for a company. I suppose it was by accident that he asked for you." He glanced at Soubi coldly, assessing what he was worth. "His intention, as I discovered last night, was to gain my attention and get a company. He knew that sooner or later I would take notice of this. It took me a while before my assistant pointed out certain bills that I did not immediately recognize. I then realized that it was Ritsuka's way of getting my attention so I went home as soon as possible. But it seems like I was late after all."

Seimei stopped in front of Soubi, peering down at him haughtily. Soubi felt intimidated but held his ground. He could not lose to this man. He must not lose to him. Not when he knew the price at stake was Ritsuka.

"Tell me, Soubi-kun, were you the one who took Ritsuka?"

Soubi nearly winced at the hatred in the voice. But he kept his eyes on Seimei's as he gave his answer. He would not lose Ritsuka to this person. "Yes."

Seimei smiled but there was no mirth in his eyes, only blinding rage. Soubi felt cold suddenly. His instinct, honed from years living on the street, felt that danger was near. "I must thank you for your lessons. Ritsuka was so delighted to have learnt how to please me." He took a step back from Soubi, still smiling that frightening smile. "Stand up, please, Soubi-kun."

Soubi obeyed with only a brief second of hesitance. What was this man up to? He glanced questioningly when Seimei ordered him to unbutton his shirt but the look on the young man's eyes told him to keep his silence. He quenched his loathing beneath a mask of coldness that Seimei, too, assumed.

"You are an excellent teacher and Ritsuka was a brilliant pupil. He has indeed surpassed my expectations last night." He let the pain stabbed Soubi's heart before continuing. Seimei stepped a little closer to Soubi, watching the defined muscles of Soubi's torso. But there was disgust in his eyes, as proven by his reluctance to touch Soubi as if unwilling to be soiled by him. "But Soubi-kun, you have stolen what is mine to take." Seimei reached into his pocket. Soubi didn't let the tension showed in his body but he knew that Seimei could clearly feel his fear. The dark gleam in his eyes told him that he was enjoying Soubi's trepidation. "You have taken him. _My Ritsuka_. I find it difficult to forgive." The sharp metal glinted under the light but Soubi still did not flinch. He would not show his fear openly to this person. He would not lose. He would not give Ritsuka away. "Ritsuka is mine."

Soubi barely felt the pain. He was silent when he felt the first sting on his vulnerable flesh. He let Seimei drew his rage, his hatred, his envy, his revenge on him. He knew it was the least he could do to pay for his sins. He also knew it showed the tiny victory he stole from Seimei. So he allowed Seimei to do as he pleased, mingled his pain with pleasure, humiliated him, hurt him over and over again. His battered body was not numb, Seimei made sure of that, he made sure that Soubi could sense every single hatred he felt for him and every single victory he took back from him.

The physical emptiness was nothing, the pain ignorable. He stared to the ceiling blankly as Seimei got dressed, not wanting to give Seimei the pleasure of seeing him break down. The young man smoothed his suit from the wrinkles and spared a pitying glance to Soubi who was lying bare on the previously white sheet, tangled in the web of thorns he had cast around himself in his search for what should not be his. For a while Soubi felt relieved that this was over and he started to plan stealing Ritsuka away from Seimei's grasp, took him away where there would only be the two of them and be happy after an eternity of pain. But those dreams were too good to come true.

"I will see to it that you will not lay your eyes, touch him, or speak to him ever again. Ritsuka is mine and I will take what rightfully belongs to me." He gave Soubi a cold look that clearly conveyed his loathing, showing Soubi the true monster he was. "Good bye, Soubi-kun."

* * *

Kio was the first to find Soubi. He immediately called for help when he saw the bloody mess surrounding his friend and the wounds covering his slender body. Soubi's blank stare and unresponsiveness worried him. Was he in a shock? Was he all right? Kio wanted to know but the paramedics told him to leave and left Soubi in their care. His protests fell to deaf ears. Nagisa pushed him out of the room none too gently and slammed the door in his face, finalizing the rejection.

Kio fidgeted outside the room, impatiently waiting for the results. What had happened? A guest had come for him last night, Kio heard. Had that person done it to Soubi? Anger rose within the green haired young man. Ritsu should've been more careful! Hadn't he promised this would never happen to any of his employees? Hadn't he promised them no more danger the street had been presenting them? Wasn't that why they all agreed to work with him?

"How is he doing?"

Kio glared at his employer. His hands fisted at his sides as he allowed anger to overtake him. "You promised us this would never happen! You said you will never tolerate this here!"

"I did." Ritsu answered quietly. He looked at the closed door and while he seemed unperturbed by the circumstance, Kio sensed that he was upset, disturbed by the fact that someone had slipped past his monitor enough to ruin Soubi. Though he didn't show or say it, Kio felt that he was slightly guilty of what had befallen Soubi. The man, too, hadn't seen nor wished for it to come. This thought curbed Kio's anger slightly and he shut his mouth to stop himself from blaming Ritsu more. It wasn't entirely the man's fault though it would've been easier to blame it all on him. Even Ritsu had been fooled this time.

"Nagisa-sensei, how is Soubi?" Kio asked hurriedly when Nagisa stepped out of the room.

"He has lost quite a lot of blood. The wounds are only skin deep though, neither ruptured any of his vital veins or organs. It might take a while for the scars to heal though and I'm not sure it's not going to leave marks." Nagisa glanced at the door nonchalantly. It was a well known fact that the doctor never liked Soubi much though she denied that it was due to her jealousy of the amount of attention Ritsu had on the blond. She did admit that she felt little pity when she saw Soubi's bloodied form but then again, she was rarely empathetic. "He's still in shock. He wouldn't talk or move but other than that, he's fine."

Ritsu nodded. "Thank you, Nagisa."

Nagisa nodded back though she was obviously displeased that Ritsu dismissed her so early after her duty was done. Why should she expect the cold man to ask her to stay longer, though? It was clear that he only let her stay so long for her medical skill and lack of questions just as he only needed Soubi for the money he could make for him. But was it Ritsu's only motive in taking Soubi in? The thought made Nagisa feel more than slightly bitter. "The boy was lucky to be alive. A little longer than that and he might've died… but then again, seeing his mental condition right now, he might not want to live much longer. Good evening, Ritsu."

* * *

It came out as more than a little surprise when Ritsu assigned Kio to care for Soubi. While Nagisa's loud protests and insults to Ritsu did unnerve him, Kio wasn't going to miss the opportunity. He spent many hours with Soubi, taking care for him when the blond was obviously not inclined to do so himself. The questions came soon enough, first as soft enquiries then agitated demands. Kio begged, glared, threatened, but Soubi refused to answer. What was the point? What would it bring him? Ritsuka was taken away from him. He knew no force could defeat Seimei's insane possessiveness. He would never see the boy again.

"Leave us alone, please."

The voice no longer had the effect it used to have on him. Soubi fixed his eyes on the ceiling above, refusing to acknowledge the new presence. He sensed hesitation before the door opened the closed, leaving him alone with his employer.

Ritsu went to the window, watching the beautiful view outside before turning to face Soubi. He was being assessed, he knew, but he didn't care. He couldn't care anymore. He couldn't even find a will to be offended and to hate. All he could feel was this blankness, this deep dark abyss in his heart that nothing and no one could alleviate but Ritsuka.

Ritsuka. The name brought so much pain to Soubi so he closed his eyes. His lovely Ritsuka. His lovely Ritsuka who would never be his. Ritsuka. Ritsuka. Ritsuka.

"Aoyagi Seimei is the famous young leader of Aoyagi co. which he inherited at a very tender age. Against all expectations, he performs his duty so well that the company is far more prosperous than when his father leads it. His personal life was little known but he was celebrated as a kind, wise, mature young man." Ritsu paused, peering down to Soubi who was trying to hold back any kind of reaction from hearing the damned name. "He hardly seemed like someone prone to violence however it seems like we have all made the wrong assumption." He stopped again. Soubi could sense him exuding the authoritative aura that had drawn him and bind him down many years ago. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore it vainly but Ritsu wouldn't take 'no' for an answer this time. "Who is Beloved?"

What was the point? What was the point of lying? What was the point of telling the truth? Ritsuka had been taken away from him. He was never to see the boy again. There was nothing at stake but the bittersweet memory of a boy he loved but could never have.

"What is the point?" He whispered. Days of silence had roughened his voice, making him sound as broken as he felt.

"Tell me." Ritsu commanded; soft, cold, emotionless.

Soubi closed his eyes, knowing his employer would not leave without an answer. He could not gather the strength to lie. The more he thought of Ritsuka, the more pain he felt. His heart felt like it would burst from the fear, hatred, anger, jealousy, love, everything that Ritsuka introduced him to, everything he wished he never knew yet needed to know. What was the point of lying? What was the point of telling the truth? Ritsuka would be with him in distant memory, a sacred place in his soul he would worship every second for the rest of his life. He would be happy with his brother, his lover, and he would forget Soubi who loved him, adored him, worshipped him so much he couldn't live without him.

The truth, Soubi.

The truth was… he loved Beloved. No, not Seimei. Not the demon in disguise. It's Ritsuka, the sweet, innocent nymph he had tainted with his sinful love. And now he had fallen to the lap of the seductive demon who would only break him with his need to possess and take and Soubi could only observe in loneliness, in tears because it was his fault somehow and he would never stop loving Ritsuka even though he would never have him in his arm again.

Ritsu said nothing for a long moment, letting Soubi soak in the words he had forbidden himself from saying. Soubi lay vulnerable, bare, pained more than he knew he could ever be. In his mind he chanted only one name that warded away the dark despair from completely taking over his soul. Ritsuka. Ritsuka. Ritsuka. Ritsuka. Ritsuka…

"I see." Ritsu muttered. He went to the door without sparing another glance at his employee. As his hand touched the doorknob, he paused. "I will leave for Italy in three days. If you recover in time, I might allow you to… accompany me." He looked at Soubi over his shoulder, watching disdain crossing his face briefly. "And who knows, you might be able to once again see your beloved Ritsuka. Make your choice well, Soubi, and good night."

TBC

A/N: seven pages with a lot of goodbyes because I am going away. Will miss your reviews greatly!


	7. Sinful Promises

A/N: This was done about a month ago but I still wasn't satisfied. Unfortunately RL required my full attention so I couldn't finish this faster. Sorry for the long wait. I hope you enjoy this though I think my skill is kinda rusty… T_T

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. I make no money. At all. Period…

**Sinful Promises**

It wasn't a difficult decision to make. No, sadly, it wasn't at all. The answer was obvious to Soubi, there was nothing to question. He was ready and willing to risk anything to see Ritsuka again.

It might be stupidity, carelessness, or sick obsession but Soubi couldn't bring himself to care enough. He knew he was wrong. He knew he must stop. Ritsuka was only a child, an innocent child. He shouldn't taint him with the knowledge of men's dark desire and yet he couldn't help it. Soubi couldn't help wanting and needing Ritsuka to be with him, to stay with him, to love him, to grace him with compassion he never knew about. He needed Ritsuka to live.

"Do you enjoy the view?"

Soubi managed to maintain his stoic expression. He refused to look at the speaker, finding the skyline of the dreamy city much more fascinating than the demon behind him. As much as he wished he was able to blame his employer, he couldn't. It was he who chose this for himself; an opportunity to meet his beloved for nightly servitude toward Ritsu. It was degrading, this act he had vowed to never perform again but desperation and love blinded him. Soubi knew Ritsu's chain of information was not to be underestimated. Ritsuka's whereabouts was easy to discover if Ritsu so desired. But why would he want to do that? Soubi didn't have to ask, he knew the man well enough to recognize his word play. Ritsu would only provided him with the chance of seeing Ritsuka but he would not help Soubi in his search at all. He would have to comb this maze of a city if he wished to find Ritsuka again. Everything depended on Soubi, there was no one to count on, he could only try and try and try.

Ritsu said nothing when Soubi passed him by wordlessly. "Seimei is a cautious person. He might even have heard of your arrival here. He won't make it easy for you to find his brother." Ritsu said as Soubi was about to open the door. "I believe I don't have to remind you of what he was capable of when angered."

Indeed Soubi didn't need any reminder. The healing scars throbbed on his chest, an evidence of the violent side Seimei skillfully hid beneath his mask. Soubi had no doubt that worse things could happen if he were to be found by the dangerous young man. He had been spared to suffer. Seeing hope and determination still alight in him wouldn't please Seimei too greatly. A hint of fear ran through him but was immediately defeated by intense longing. It's going to worth it. Ritsuka is worth every risk he took. With that thought in mind, Soubi went left the hotel room in search of his forbidden lover.

* * *

He felt sick, disgusted with himself. His skin burnt where he had been touched. He felt filthy.

The whiteness of the sheet did nothing to purify him. He saw and felt darkness all around him, craved it and loathed it at the same time. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend to be oblivious but knew that in darkness he'd only have pain and loneliness with him.

Soubi wished it hurt but it didn't. He despised Ritsu's skill, despised how it made his body betrayed his mind. He despised himself and how he had conditioned himself to welcome lust readily. There was nothing else he wanted but pain to tear him away from this moment. He wanted nothing but to get away to a sanctuary he dared not to dream, a sanctuary Ritsuka could give him.

Soubi closed his eyes and strengthened his resolve. He'd do anything for the chance to see Ritsuka.

* * *

Soubi spent days and nights prowling the streets of the unfamiliar city, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ritsuka. He explored the city thoroughly, carefully listening and watching out for any hint about his beloved. The beautiful buildings didn't draw his interest. Longing stares were ignored as Soubi continued on his relentless pursuit. They didn't matter to him. He was here for Ritsuka and only for him. Ritsuka was here somewhere, waiting to be found. Soubi must find him before it's too late, before Seimei entrapped him further with his evil ploys, before Soubi was forgotten…

Ritsu's touches every night Soubi returned to the hotel to perform his end of the agreement were tolerable because of his undying hope. It was a silly thing, he knew, but he didn't care. The thought of Ritsuka made everything seemed possible. The boy made Soubi feel again, hope again, _live_ again. No longer did he felt numb, the pain was real with each second he spent away from Ritsuka, the loneliness tore a deeper wound. But pain was what motivated him to keep searching, to find the only cure for his soul; Ritsuka.

And yet despite Soubi's relentless efforts, there was still no sign from Ritsuka. The strangeness became familiar, the beauty became dull and yet not a glimpse of his beloved had been found. He was far from being deterred, though. He had foiled Seimei's plans once, he would do it again. He would find Ritsuka somehow. He had to. His life depended on it. His life depended on Ritsuka. He couldn't, didn't wish to return to the numb existence he used to have. Even pain was welcomed when the combination of undesired servitude and lonesomeness start to numb him again. He didn't want to see this as a normal existence. He didn't want to be in that kind of life again. He wanted to feel, he wanted to love… he wanted to be loved. He wanted a live he hadn't had the chance to live. He wanted to believe in happiness, absurd and childish as the wish might be. He wanted to taste what he was supposed to provide his clients but never knew about. He wanted everything that had been taken away from him, everything that Ritsuka represented. He wanted Ritsuka. He needed him.

"A-Aoyagi-kun…"

The mention of the name caused Soubi's heart to skip a beat. Had he heard wrong? Had Fate tempted him with cruel illusion again? Soubi almost couldn't bring himself to search the ource of the voice. He had been disappointed many times since his arrival in this city. He had been deceived by his senses far too many times, another evidence of his longing. Was it another trick of his twisted mind? Oh, how he wished that this time it was real… How he wished that this time he had truly found his lover… It had been so long, far too long and he wished for nothing more but to have that lithe body in his arms again, to see that innocent face again, to be possessed by those eyes again.

Please, let this one be true.

"It's all right Shinonome-san. I'll be right back."

Soubi's heart thundered in his chest. Quietly, he stepped into the end of the alley and peered at the busy sidewalk lined with attractive shops. He only saw a swish of movement but he was fairly certain that his eyes didn't deceive him this time. That glossy black hair, lithe body, pale skin, mauve eyes… that was undoubtedly Ritsuka!

His body trembled almost violently. It was Ritsuka! He's here! He had finally found him! He had found him!

Intense joy almost bright him to his knees. Soubi wanted nothing more but to run into the tiny camera store and pull Ritsuka into his arms but he held himself back. The stammering woman stood in front of the store, nervously glancing around like a little thief in the middle of a crime. No doubt she had been ordered to watch over Ritsuka by Seimei. It wasn't impossible that she had been warned about Soubi. Ritsu was right, Seimei was a very careful person, he wouldn't allow anyone but him touch Ritsuka. Soubi wouldn't be surprised if the woman wasn't the only one ordered to watch over Ritsuka. It wasn't a wise thing to just run into the store and grab Ritsuka, no matter how much he wanted to. He must wait for now.

Ritsuka left the store with a camera in hand. Soubi took a moment to take in the beautiful sight. Nothing had changed in his beloved, he was still the same child he remembered. He watched, fascinated, as Ritsuka fiddled with the camera and then snap a picture of the flustered woman. A small genuine smile splayed on the boy's face as he reviewed the photograph; a smile Soubi had never seen before. The thought of it hurt him a little, realizing that Ritsuka had never been truly happy with him. There had been a dull light in his eyes, as if he was trapped in a thick fog of his internal world, unable to escape, unable to find something to hold on to. He had been confused and curious, exploring the adult world tentatively. The tantalizing glimpses only added to his bewilderment, fueling curiosity until he found a dark kind of light to lead him to the life he shouldn't live yet. The greedy learner took in every lesson as if his life depended on it, performed it with the expertise of an adult and innocence of a child. As he watched Ritsuka walked through the busy street, Soubi wondered if the boy realized how tangled he was in the dark web Seimei had set to entrap those he desired.

Soubi carefully followed the pair, noticing that indeed they were not alone. A guard came with them, scanning the crowd carefully for any possible threat to the child. Despite the annoyance that was evident in Ritsuka's slight frown, he managed to overlook this nuisance. He walked the streets confidently, occasionally stopping to take pictures of objects and people he deemed interesting. The wide smile on his face whenever a new shot was taken showed how pleased he was with himself. He was like a child in a carnival, spinning round and round in molten artificial colors, drowning himself in the scent of innocence, embraced by sweet dreams in his head, radiating purity of his soul and yet unaware of the cold darkness of the night just at the edges of his fragile world.

"Ritsuka." Soubi whispered to himself, his throat raw from withheld emotion. He had been waiting too long, far too long for this moment. Ritsuka, his sweet Ritsuka was finally here, with him, within reach, no longer a teasing dream. He was real. He was here. Ritsuka was here.

He saw a chance when Ritsuka was visiting a flower shop. The woman was temporarily distracted her own clumsiness and the burly man was nowhere to be seen. It was risky. It was dangerous. Soubi knew very well the risk he took but he didn't care. He had to do this. He had to meet Ritsuka, touch him, listen to him, feel him… He had to be with Ritsuka.

Ritsuka gasped when he pulled him to an alley. He struggled at first, frightened, but when stopped when he saw Soubi. He must be confused and surprised but Soubi didn't give him time to speak. He pulled him deeper into the maze until tall walls blocked the sun and silence was their music. Soubi stopped only then, allowing Ritsuka a moment to catch his breath.

"What are you doing here?"

Soubi opened his mouth to answer but not a word escape. He caressed Ritsuka's smooth cheek slowly, proving to himself that this was not another cruel dream. This was not. Soubi allowed himself to smile in relief.

"Sou…"

His name was cut off by a passionate kiss. Ritsuka gasped in shock and yet didn't pull away. Soubi ran his hands over the tiny body desperately, causing soft moans to rise from the boy's lips only to be swallowed by his greedy mouth. So familiar yet so strange. The memory was fresh in Soubi's mind yet everything seemed new. Something told him that a change had happened though he couldn't quite put his finger on it. All attempts to think were futile as he felt Ritsuka warmed under his touch.

* * *

Within the cloudy mist of bliss, he felt his face being kissed and he moaned softly as he continued to slowly rock into Rtsuka's warmth. Eventually, he lowered them both to the ground, Ritsuka still on his lap gently calming him with kisses and caresses.

"Ritsuka…"

"Soubi, why are you here?"

Soubi looked into Ritsuka's questioning eyes. He saw innocence there despite what they just did, the innocence he loved and longed for. He opened his mouth to warn him of the imminent danger posed by the boy's brother, of the dark soul he really had, of his impure intentions but nothing came out of his mouth. Soubi found himself unable to do it. He had witnessed Ritsuka's devotion toward his brother. Painful as it was to admit, Soubi realized that it was very likely for Ritsuka not to believe him. Semei was a flawless, loving figure in the boy's eyes, worthy of devotion and affection. Soubi was only an escort who had entertained him. Why would he believe him? Should Soubi burden him with such knowledge?

And even if he did, what could they do? Seimei wouldn't let them escape so easily. He would hunt them down and take Ritsuka back. Soubi had no doubt that he was capable of more evil. Seimei's possessiveness would not allow Ritsuka to be with anyone else but him. Recklessness would do nothing but harm to them, to Ritsuka. Soubi had nothing; no plans, no money, no status. All he had to offer is himself and he knew, he knew for sure that Ritsuka deserved better than his tainted self. No, he didn't want to leave Ritsuka in Seimei's clutch but he had no other option. Optimism and love wouldn't be enough to battle Seimei.

He would lose. He could not lose Ritsuka again.

"I missed you." Soubi whispered truthfully.

"Soubi…"

"I want to see you. I need to see you. I…"

A kiss stopped him. Soubi stared into deep amethyst eyes as Ritsuka softly stroke his face. Overwhelming affection brought tears to his eyes and he kissed Ritsuka's palm to hide them. His heart leapt with joy and hopes, reminding him once more why he came to love the child.

"Then come see me some times. Seimei wouldn't mind."

The name brought a rush of dark thoughts back to his mind. Soubi pulled Ritsuka's hand away, drawing a confused look from the boy. "Ritsuka, we mustn't let him know."

"Why?"

"Don't let him know. Promise me, Ritsuka. Please, promise me."

Ritsuka searched for an answer in Soubi's face for a while before finally giving in. He nodded his acquiescence and Soubi rewarded him with a tender kiss. "You must let me know one day." Ritsuka said they broke the kiss.

"I will. I promise."

They spent several minutes kissing, touching, and whispering comfort to each other. For the first time in weeks, Soubi felt contentment began to sink back. He felt loved, wanted, protected. He knew for sure that this was where he wanted to be; with Ritsuka. He wished the time would stop, the world would narrow down to only them. He wished they could stay like this forever. Desire stirred back to life, stemmed from the need to confirm and preserve Ritsuka's presence but they didn't have the luxury of time and opportunity.

Ritsuka squirmed on his lap, undoubtedly feeling his returning need. "I have to go. Unless you want Seimei to find out." He warned Soubi though his eyes also began to darken with lust.

Soubi shook his head and shared another lengthy kiss with Ritsuka, hoping to imprint his taste and feel and scent to help him last until they'd meet again. "You have to go."

Somehow he managed to find the will to let Ritsuka go. He helped the boy redress and walk him back to the street. The walk seemed to short and his feet felt heavy. Soubi wished he could stop the boy from returning to Seimei but knew it's not the right time yet. He watched longingly as Ritsuka approached the teary woman who had undoubtedly been searching for him in panic. The boy told her some placating words and led her back to the waiting car. He sent Soubi a quick glance before entering the vehicle, not wanting to break his promise.

As the car drove away, the emptiness returned. Uncertainty frightened him, the grim possibilities seemed imminent. Perhaps he had risked too much but he could wait no longer. He would get Ritsuka back somehow. He would find a way. He would prove himself worthy of Ritsuka. One day he would.

TBC

A/N: censored, as usual. The full version is in my LJ. R&R, please...


	8. Bloody Reality

A/N: I can't believe it's been half a year. So very sorry for the lack of update. First, I have to make a confession. When I first wrote this fic, I wasn't thinking much of the plot. I only thought as far as the previous chapter but I could think of no resolution. After much daydreaming last week, I finally found my muse. If things go smoothly, it will end in two or three chapters. Secondly, well thesis isn't inspiring me to write fanfic so pardon if this isn't as good as the previous chapters. I'll stop babbling now. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Loveless belongs to Kouga Yun.

**Bloody Reality**

Stupid and reckless. His actions were definitely stupid and reckless. Seimei could be suspicious. Seimei might already know. But it wasn't himself that Soubi was worried about. He didn't want to lose sight of Ritsuka ever again. Who knew where Seimei will take the boy to if he knew that Soubi was already in the same city? He shouldn't take such a big risk. He shouldn't have let lust ruled his logic. He should've waited and plotted a plan.

And yet he couldn't resist Ritsuka. He couldn't resist following the boy. Couldn't resist pulling him to hidden corners and dark alleyways whenever the opportunity arose. Couldn't resist laying his own claims on the boy. A minute away from the boy was millennia for him. It hurt him to not be close to Ritsuka. He needed Ritsuka to live. It's a mistake. It's not the way things were supposed to go. But how else was Soubi supposed to show his love for Ritsuka?

Ritsuka sagged against Soubi's larger body, letting the man stroke his body and kiss his face. They panted for breath as they tried to regain their composure after sharing passion. Their senses slowly began to pick up the sound of life from all around them that they had ignored in the height of pleasure. Soubi buried his face in Ritsuka's damp hair, enjoying having the love of his life so near. He wanted to stay like this forever; just holding Ritsuka, touching him, smelling his scent… He wanted to own Ritsuka. Soubi was overcome with the urge to never let go but that was impossible.

"They must be worried." The boy muttered but without letting go of his grasp on Soubi's coat. He shifted slightly on the blonde's lap, causing Soubi to bite his lip to hold back a moan. His desire stirred back despite having been spent just minutes ago. He could never have enough of this. He could never have enough of Ritsuka. How did the boy affect him so? Soubi had been with many others before. He had been with those much more skillful and yet he had never experienced such unquenchable lust. He was scared sometimes, scared that he would break Ritsuka with his love. But he couldn't stay away from the boy for too long. He couldn't live without Ritsuka.

"Do you want to go now?" Soubi asked, trying to sound collected when all he wanted was claiming Ritsuka again and again.

Ritsuka made a soft sound then slowly lifted himself up. He sighed enticingly when he was empty again, causing Soubi's desire to rise once more. There's little time left for them, though. He held himself back and walked Ritsuka back to where they had met after fixing their appearances.

The street still bustled with activity. No one realized what had happened. People laughed as they walked past them. Some glanced at Ritsuka and smiled, undoubtedly falling for his innocent appearance. Children ran around, laughing at the world of adults. It crossed Soubi's mind that he should feel guilty. He had tainted Ritsuka, a child. He had taken away his innocence. He had introduced Ritsuka to perverse world of adults. He was guilty of this, indeed. And yet he felt no guilt.

It was not a mistake to love, was it? Soubi loved Ritsuka. He was sure of it now. Maybe his methods were wrong. He definitely started it out the wrong way. But how else was he supposed to show his love when their rendezvous was limited by time and secrecy? Would Ritsuka understand how much it hurt him when he saw the marks Seimei left on the boy's fair skin? Would Ritsuka understand what he felt? Would Ritsuka understand the necessity of keeping Seimei in the dark? Would Ritsuka accept the fact that Seimei wasn't the angel he thought he was?

"How much longer are you going to hide from Seimei?" Ritsuka asked, frowning at the tall blond.

Soubi smiled. No, Ritsuka wouldn't understand. Soubi couldn't destroy his idealization of Seimei, either. Ritsuka would be upset. Ritsuka wouldn't believe him. And having Ritsuka avoiding him would hurt more than having someone else take Ritsuka away. "Shinonome is looking for you."

Ritsuka glanced at the panicking woman briefly but didn't move. "Why wouldn't you meet Seimei? It's been over a month." He demanded. He stopped, studying Soubi's expression. Soubi wondered how well the boy could read him. Could he see the truth? Did he want to see the truth? "Do you hate Seimei?"

Yes, Soubi wanted to say. Yes, he hated Seimei. Because Seimei took Ritsuka away from him. Because Seimei would hurt anyone who dared to come near Ritsuka. Because Seimei would only hurt Ritsuka. Because Seimei was too dangerous. Because Seimei was the one Ritsuka loved and not Soubi. Because Soubi didn't know how to make Ritsuka love him instead of Seimei.

"I'd rather not meet him now. I still have things to do." Soubi lied smoothly, keeping the ugly truth to himself.

Ritsuka was unconvinced. Few things escaped his attention, after all. "Then why wouldn't you let me tell him that you're here?"

"I want to give him a surprise. Now, didn't you say you want to buy a cat?"

Ritsuka was still suspicious but decided to drop the topic. He did say he wanted to buy a cat to accompany him in the apartment where he lived with Seimei. Soubi had been there before, watching the building with longing. He wished nothing more than to storm in and take Ritsuka with him to a place where Seimei's claws couldn't reach. He knew he wouldn't succeed though. Seimei was a powerful man and Soubi was no one. If he wanted to take Ritsuka away, he would have to do so stealthily. But how?

Ritsuka nodded. "When will I see you again?" He asked, looking at Soubi innocently.

The idea that Ritsuka wanted to see him again, nearly made Soubi burst with happiness. He was wanted! Ritsuka wanted him! He wasn't just a fling! He wasn't just a broken toy! Ritsuka wanted him! Ritsuka wanted him!

Soubi wanted to hug Ritsuka, kiss him, and tell him how much he loved him, how much he's willing to sacrifice for him, how he couldn't live without Ritsuka. But he couldn't do it here. Not in front of others' judging eyes. Not in front of those who thought that love was sin.

"Soon, Ritsuka." He answered with a smile, promising himself another taste of heaven to look forward to.

Ritsuka nodded in satisfaction and went away, approaching Shinonome with an innocent smile. Soubi watched him calm the weeping woman, convincing her that he was all right on his own. Shinonome believed him easily, unable to see how tainted Ritsuka was behind the childish smile. But did the boy even realize it?

Ritsuka was not a fool. He was aware of the meaning of his actions. He was aware that what he did with Soubi and Seimei wasn't natural. He must be aware that Seimei's affection for him wasn't natural. And yet he seemed to take it as if it was the most natural thing to happen. He accepted the odd facts calmly as a part of his life.

Did Ritsuka feel guilty? Did he feel sick? Soubi didn't know. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Soubi gave the boy one last longing look then turned to leave.

* * *

"Did you meet the boy again today?" Ritsu asked, glancing up from his computer when Soubi entered the room they shared.

Soubi didn't bother to look at his employee as he answered. "Yes." He sat down on a chair and closed his eyes. Entering the room always made him feel suffocated. He felt filthy, like he didn't deserve to have Ritsuka. He wondered if that was Ritsu's objective all along but didn't entertain the thought for very long. Instead he focused his thoughts on Ritsuka, the only person who made him feel human. He didn't need to be reminded that he was just a dirty whore. He didn't have to be reminded that he was the person who sold his body and soul for a scrap of comfort. He would always remember the facts. He would always know how unworthy he was of mercy. What Soubi needed to remember was how he, despite anything, could still love. He needed to remember that he had sold away his most precious possession, his heart. The heart he had given away to Ritsuka.

"I didn't expect you to be so foolish." Ritsu's voice came from somewhere close to him. Soubi opened his eyes slowly but still refused to look at the older man. "Do you think Seimei wouldn't notice it? He had eyes everywhere. Sooner or later he would grow suspicious of his brother's minor disappearances. What do you think he would do then?"

"He wouldn't hurt Ritsuka." Soubi answered. He knew that it was true. Seimei, no matter how malicious, would never hurt Ritsuka.

"He'll hurt whoever he thought responsible and he will take Ritsuka away." Ritsu informed him, voicing Soubi's thoughts.

Unwillingly, Soubi looked at Ritsu's cold eyes. He saw no pity there, only indifference. He knew Ritsu told him this to shake him up. It was a possibility Soubi had thought of frequently but always dismissed whenever he met Ritsuka. He knew he was avoiding the truth. He knew Ritsu was right. He should've given it more thought.

"It's only a matter of time before he notices and takes actions. He isn't so different from you in that he loves the boy."

Soubi didn't reply. He loathed being compared to Seimei. Unlike him, Soubi would never go as far as removing anyone who dared to be close to Ritsuka. He loved Ritsuka but he would never lock him up in a bloody cage. Soubi knew the pain. He knew the loneliness. Soubi knew how it felt to be reduced to something less than a human, just a tool to sate another's desire. He'd never make Ritsuka feel that way.

But Seimei will. Seimei definitely will when he knew the truth behind Ritsuka's disappearances. Soubi didn't care much for his well-being but what about Ritsuka. Would he leave the boy's fate in Seimei's cruel hands? Should he take action first? Should he let Seimei steal the fleeting chance?

"Why do you tell me this?" Soubi asked aloud. He didn't believe that Ritsu would do it out of kindness. The man had no place in his frozen heart for that.

"I have my reasons." Ritsu said as he stood in front of Soubi.

Soubi closed his eyes, burying down his suspicion and the sick feeling inside his stomach as Ritsu pressed his cold lips against him. No, it wasn't an act of kindness. Ritsu definitely had his own agenda, an agenda that involved Soubi. He didn't want to get tangled up in the web of poison that Ritsu had set but he knew he no longer had a choice. He was trapped, a disposable pawn in Ritsu's cruel game.

It's too late to run. Even if it's not, he wouldn't. Not when he had Ritsuka so close to him. He couldn't let go of the chance to be with Ritsuka. Even if it would cost him his life.

* * *

"She died."

Soubi looked at his little lover in askance. He noticed that Ritsuka was in a considerably bad mood when he pulled him to this quiet alley. The boy seemed sad, unlike usual. Ritsuka was always quietly excited by little things in the foreign city. There was always something new, something beautiful, something entertaining to him.

Death? Had Seimei finally show his true nature? Soubi immediately thought of Shinonome. He hadn't seen her when he met Ritsuka just now. Was it her? Did Seimei kill her?

"Who is?"

"The cat I bought the other day." Ritsuka answered, looking down at his feet sadly. "She was fine when I left the apartment yesterday but when I came back, she has died."

Soubi got down to his knees so he could look directly into Ritsuka's eyes. He realized it's not time to satiate his longing. Ritsuka needed compassion now, not passion. "What happened?"

Ritsuka shook his head. "I don't know. She's dead when I found her. I found a bit of blood. Seimei said she ate something she shouldn't have."

Soubi frowned slightly. He remembered when Ritsuka bought some fishes and they died soon after for no apparent reason. The boy hadn't been too attached to the animals so he hadn't felt so sad then. Maybe Soubi was over thinking this but could it be? Could it be that Seimei killed those animals?

He knew the young man was obsessed with Ritsuka. He wouldn't want anyone to get near the boy. But would he go as far as killing Ritsuka's pet? Was his feeling so twisted as to let absolutely nothing gain Ritsuka's compassion? Did he really plan to keep Ritsuka to himself regardless of the method? Who would be the next victim? Did he even care about how that would make Ritsuka feel? No. It's obvious that all Seimei ever thought about was pleasing himself. Others; fates didn't matter to him.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka looked at the tall blond in confusion, noting the storm of thoughts and emotion crossing his face briefly. He frowned, noticing something off. Soubi tried to keep his expression neutral again but it was too late. "You don't think Seimei did it, do you?"

"Ritsuka…"

"No!" Ritsuka exclaimed, eyes flashing with anger. Fear chilled Soubi's heart. Had he driven Ritsuka away with this revelation? "No! Seimei is a very kind person! He will never hurt anyone!"

But he had, Ritsuka, he had. He had hurt Soubi and he would probably hurt others. He would hurt others if he thought it would make him own Ritsuka. Ritsuka didn't belong to anyone, though. He was still free, still unaware of the chains Seimei slowly, meticulously wrapped around him. Ritsuka still had a chance to free himself but for how long? How much time they have before the chains got too tight, allowing Ritsuka no escape but death? Should Soubi tell the truth? Should Soubi break his heart? Would Ritsuka trust him or would he run from him instead? Or should he risk Ritsuka's well-being with his hesitance?

"Seimei won't do that. Soubi! He won't!" Ritsuka insisted.

"Ritsuka…" Soubi started, pausing to gather his courage. Was it the right thing? Maybe not but he couldn't leave Ritsuka in the demon's care. He couldn't let Ritsuka be fooled by Seimei's fake charms. "Would you like to know why I don't want to meet Seimei?" He watched confusion and anger in the boy's beautiful mauve eyes. Ritsuka might not be ready for the truth but he shouldn't be kept in the dark for much longer. He must know Seimei's true nature, even if it'd hurt him. Soubi waited until the boy nodded before continuing. "Then meet me tonight. I'll be waiting outside your apartment."

Ritsuka hesitated before nodding. Curiosity had gotten the better of him but what would it turn into when he learnt the truth?

* * *

Soubi waited in the shadows of another building near Ritsuka's apartment. He knew he must not be seen by anyone. If Seimei even heard that he was around, who knew what he would do?

Soubi watched the entrance to the tall apartment building anxiously. As the second passed, he grew more and more worried. Did Ritsuka manage to leave? What did Seimei say? What would he do if he grew suspicious?

Every person looking his way seemed suspicious. Soubi knew he was being paranoid but couldn't stop himself. Seimei was a powerful man. Soubi knew his kind very well. He knew how they thought they could buy everything. He knew they thought they own everything they fancied. These people lived in their own twisted little world, unaware of how it overlapped with others' world. Their fear of not belonging in the vast world was both their weakness and their strength.

Soubi had been in that world, played their cruel games, allowing them to push away insecurity with his submission. He was never fully submissive though. He knew he never belonged with them. He would never allow himself to belong to anyone. Their money could only buy them pity and well-disguised disdain from Soubi.

But Seimei was different. Seimei knew when and where to strike. He loathed others except for Ritsuka but he knew his enemies well. He knew how to hurt. He had a sense of purpose. He never aimed to please anyone but himself. And his purpose, his aim, was Ritsuka. Did he truly love Ritsuka, Soubi wondered. Or was it just lust? Did he feel anything beyond possessiveness? Did he feel happy just to be with Ritsuka? Did he feel compelled to make Ritsuka smile? Did Ritsuka smile make his chest tighten? Did it hurt him when Ritsuka was away? Could he put Ritsuka's happiness beyond his own?

"Soubi! I've been looking for you!"

Soubi was startled out of his musing by the familiar voice. He immediately smiled, hiding his dark thoughts. "I'm sorry, Ritsuka. I don't want to be seen." He said honestly.

"Why?"

Soubi shook his head. "Let's go somewhere first. Does Seimei know you're coming with me?"

"No. Seimei has some work to do. He won't be back until late."

The disappointment in Ritsuka's voice nearly broke Soubi's heart. He didn't show it, though. Soubi held Ritsuka's hand and gently tug him to the direction of a park he knew of. "Let's go."

Ritsuka said nothing on the way there, keeping his thought to himself. Soubi glanced at his discreetly wondering what's going on in his mind. He wished he knew so he could prepare himself for the outcome of his rash plan. He tightened his hold on Ritsuka's tiny hand, feeling familiar warmth entered his heart. It chased away his fear though not completely. It still lingered there, reminding him of the grim possibility that this could be the last time he saw Ritsuka.

The park was silent save from the distant sounds of cars passing by, the gentle rustling of leaves, and voices of nocturnal animals. Sweet scent of flowers and fresh grass invaded their senses. Light infiltrate the darkness in several places, but unable to overcome it completely. When they looked up they saw stars glimmering and the silver moon partially covered by cloud.

Soubi let Ritsuka admired the site for a while before pulling him further away from the street to a deserted part of the park. He didn't know what exactly he was going to say, but he knew he had to explain to Ritsuka somehow. He dreaded what it could entail but what option did he have?

They sat on a park bench illuminated by lamppost. Ritsuka said nothing, quietly watching the darkness. Soubi watched him for a while, admiring his little love. His fair skin was beautifully graced by the dim light, his mauve eyes shone with intense emotion. Wind played with his dark hair, enticing Soubi to weave his fingers through the soft strands. It's not time for that, though.

"Ritsuka, do you want to know why I don't want to meet Seimei?"

Ritsuka turned to look at him and nodded. "Do you hate him?"

Soubi closed his eyes briefly, gathering courage. "Yes." He said clearly, knowing with all his heart that it was the honest answer.

Ritsuka frowned, upset by the revelation. "But why? What has he done to you?"

Soubi opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by a shrill scream from somewhere near. Ritsuka looked around in alarm but saw nothing. Soubi stood up, ready to protect Ritsuka if needed. That voice seemed familiar, though. Was it someone he knew?

"Soubi, we have to help her!" Ritsuka pleaded, pulling Soubi's hand.

Truthfully, Soubi couldn't care less about the fate of a stranger. He had lived on the streets for many years. He had witnessed things worse than death. He had been subjected to some of them and no one had come to help. But he couldn't ignore Ritsuka's plea. He simply couldn't refuse anything the boy asked.

Soubi nodded and searched the source of the voice. Ritsuka followed closely behind despite having been told to not follow. Who knew what kind of danger the situation might present? Soubi wanted to persuade the boy to go but fearful sobs alerted them. They followed it and hid behind a bush as Soubi assessed the situation before deciding the next course of action. An armed man pointed a gun at a bleeding woman. The cold sneer on the man's face indicated that he was unmoved by the deed he was about to do. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it.

"W-why do you do this?" Shinonome asked, trying to act tough despite her wound.

"I am ordered to. Simple as that." Nisei answered coldly.

Ritsuka gasped softly but didn't move. There was disbelieve in his eyes, desperately hoping that the world was not as cruel as it really was. Soubi knew that Ritsuka knew it wasn't true, though. He might be oblivious but he was not ignorant. Soubi watched him carefully. This was what the boy asked for. He wanted the truth. Here was the truth.

"B-but… I didn't do anything…" Shinonome said in defense, clutching the bloody wound in her arm. Tears poured from her eyes as she pleaded for her life.

Nisei snickered, looking at the woman begging for her life in disdain. "You have displeased Seimei. That's your mistake"

Soubi glanced at Ritsuka. In the low light he could tell that Ritsuka was shocked. The boy clutched Soubi's coat tightly as he grew pale. His small body trembled.

His trust had been violated. He had worshipped Seimei, believed that he wasn't capable of evil, but here Ritsuka was proven terribly wrong. He saw now how little Seimei cared for another's life. His affection for Ritsuka had gone too kindness was a mask. His words were lies. Soubi could see Ritsuka's affection toward Seimei crumbled before his eyes. No longer was he an angel to the boy's eyes. No longer was he perfection. No longer was he loved.

Shinonome continued to beg and cry but Nisei was unmoved. Soubi did nothing, waiting for Ritsuka's response. He wasn't concerned of Shinonomen's well-being. His priority was Ritsuka. It would always be Ritsuka.

"D-don't kill me… please…"

"Safe her." Ritsuka whispered, looking down at his feet. Were those tears in his eyes? "Safe her." He repeated again, a little louder this time. "Safe her, Soubi."

Soubi nodded and left the boy in safety. Nisei looked at him in surprise, recognition flashed in his eyes. He moved his gun away from Shinonome to Soubi but the blond was faster. He twisted Nisei's arm, making him drop the gun with a grunt of pain. To subdue him, Soubi kicked him in the stomach, causing him to fall on the ground. He then took the gun calmly and pointed it to Nisei's head, ready to execute the dark-haired man.

"Don't kill him!" Ritsuka cried, making Soubi pause. The boy ran from his hiding place, approaching Shinonone. Nisei looked at the boy in something akin to panic, no doubt worrying about his fate when Seimei knew that Ritsuka had witnessed this. Soubi clicked the gun's safety back on. To be left in Seimei's mercy was a worse fate than death.

"Aoyagi-kun…" Shinonome whimpered when Ritsuka knelt beside her.

"Are you all right, Shinonome-san?" Ritsuka asked, carefully touching Shinonome's bleeding arm. "Soubi!"

Understanding the unspoken order, Soubi hit the back of Nisei's neck with the handle of the gun, rendering him unconscious. He threw the gun away then approached Ritsuka. A quick look at Shinonome's wound told him that it's not life-threatening. Still, she needed medical attention and there's no place in this city safe from Seimei. No place but one.

Soubi looked at Ritsuka's concerned expression and made up his mind. He took out his cell phone and dialed the number he wished he'd never call.

* * *

"How is she?" Ritsuka asked, standing up from his seat when he saw Soubi.

Soubi closed the door behind him and looked at Ritsuka. The boy was nervous, agitated, and most of all confused. Soubi had to force him to stay in another room while the doctor Ritsu called attended Shinonome. Soubi understood that Ritsuka was looking for a distraction. So many things had happened in such a short time. Dark secrets are revealed. Soubi understood that it must be difficult for such a young mind to cope with it. Denial was an easy escape, distraction was another. But Soubi wanted Ritsuka to face it. He needed the boy to think of it carefully, the meaning behind the events happening. He needed Ritsuka to allow himself to be saved from Seimei.

"She's all right." Soubi said to calm his little lover.

Ritsuka sighed in relief then seated himself on a chair, slouching his shoulders. Soubi waited for a reaction. How would he deal with this? What would he do now that he knew the truth? Would he allow himself to believe the truth? Would he leave Seimei? Would he love Soubi in turn?

Soubi tried not to have his hopes up. Ritsuka loved Seimei deeply. He had thought of him as the perfect brother and lover. Soubi was just an escort with nothing to offer but his broken heart and tainted body. Why would Ritsuka love him? Would he even think Soubi worth his affection?

"Did Seimei really order Nisei to kill her?" Ritsuka asked quietly.

"It appears to be so." Soubi answered carefully.

"Why?"

"Because he loves you." Soubi said, gaining himself Ritsuka's attention. "Because he loves you too much."

"What do you mean?" Ritsuka asked, fear marring his beautiful face.

Soubi took a deep breath. He didn't wish to cause that kind of expression on Ritsuka but what choice did he have? Ritsuka must know the truth, no matter how difficult it might be.

"Seimei will eliminate anyone who dares to come close to you."

"But he's the one who hired Shinonome-san to accompany me!" Ritsuka said, fear and anger battled in his eyes. He was unwilling to believe but he had witnessed the attack firsthand. Questions and doubts surfaced, frightening him. When Soubi didn't reply, he lowered his eyes again. "Why do you hate Seimei?" Ritsuka asked with a tiny voice after a long moment of silence.

Slowly Soubi approached Ritsuka. He stood in front of the boy, waiting until he looked at him. The sorrow in Ritsuka's eyes broke his heart. He almost changed his mind, almost made up lies just to see happiness shone in those eyes again. Soubi fought the urge to embrace the boy. Instead, he began undoing his shirt.

"This is the truth, Ritsuka." He whispered, holding Ritsuka's gaze with his own. When he finished unbuttoning his shirt his let his arms fall on either side of him, waiting.

Slowly Ritsuka's eyes gazed lower. Soubi closed his eyes, feeling his skin burnt where Ritsuka looked. The shocked gasp made him clenched his hands into fists. He never felt more vulnerable, more afraid, more broken than this moment. Not even when he was first inspected by lustful eyes had he felt like this. He swallowed thickly and kept his eyes closed. Was Ritsuka disgusted? Was he angry? Soubi wasn't sure he wanted to know.

The soft touch on his scars startled him out of his dark musing. "Seimei… He did this to you?"

Soubi nodded. "He came to me before he took you here. He forbade me to look for you and took you away."

"But… why?"

Soubi dared himself to open his eyes and looked at Ritsuka. A wave of relief flowed through him when he saw no such thing as disgust in Ritsuka's eyes. There was only compassion and affection there. Soubi braved himself to hope for love, the love he'd do anything for. Soubi watched emotions played across Ritsuka's expressive eyes. He felt his love swelled, his heart warmed. Soubi smiled, baring his soul for Ritsuka to see. The soul he had dedicated for Ritsuka.

"Because I love you."

* * *

Soubi watched Ritsu with suspicion but the older man showed nothing on his face. He regarded his employee and Ritsuka calmly, as if they were having a normal conversation after dinner.

"I have everything set. You may use my private jet to go back to Japan. The plane will be leaving in two hours. When you arrive there, my people will take you to an undisclosed location." Ritsu said.

"Are you sure Seimei won't find us?" Soubi asked, understandably skeptical of Ritsu's kind offer. What did the man had in mind this time?

Ritsu nodded. "I'm very sure." He said out loud, watching Ritsuka for any reaction.

The boy had been very quiet throughout the conversation, letting Soubi explained their situation. He was clearly still shaken though he seemed to be more in control now. Soubi wished they could discuss their next course of action in more detail but the boy wasn't up to the task now.

"Thank you, Minami-san." Ritsuka said, bowing.

"Ritsuka, why don't you take a quick shower in your room before we leave?" Soubi said with a deceiving smile.

Any other time, Ritsuka might have refused or questioned him but not this time. The boy nodded obediently and left the room though not before giving Soubi a curious look. Once the door closed behind him, Soubi spoke up.

"Why do you do this?"

Ritsu crossed his legs and leaned back on his seat, unconcerned by the hostility. "I just want to help."

Soubi looked at his employer coldly. It was an obvious lie. Ritsu definitely have something up his sleeves. He wouldn't go so far just to help an employee and a stranger. What was he planning? Would it put Ritsuka in danger?

"I won't let Seimei know your location." Ritsu said.

Somehow Soubi knew he was telling the truth. Ritsu had a plan but it involved hiding Ritsuka from Seimei. He wouldn't let Seimei get to him before his plan work.

Soubi knew it was a risky gamble. Ritsu was a force not to be underestimated. As the owner of Seven Moon, he had many powerful contacts. Would he able to deal with Seimei, though? Soubi didn't know. But if anyone had a chance to stop Seimei, it might be Ritsu.

"All right. We'll take your offer." Soubi said, standing up and leaving the room.

Despite his suspicion and wariness, Soubi kept his expression smooth when he entered Ritsuka's room. He found the boy sitting near the window, watching the city outside. Soubi waited at the door for a while but then slowly approached the boy when Ritsuka didn't acknowledge his presence.

Standing next to Ritsuka, he could smell the scent of soap on Ritsuka's skin. His damp skin and hair entice Soubi to touch him but his distant eyes kept him away. Soubi wondered what it would take to bridge the distance.

"We're going back to Japan." Ritsuka whispered, as if he's still trying to absorb the fact.

"Yes, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka nodded and tiredly rest his forehead on the clear glass. He closed his eyes, preventing Soubi from reading his emotion. Suddenly afraid of the emotional distance, Soubi knelt in front of Ritsuka, took his small hand, and kissed the back of Ritsuka's hand.

"I love you, Ritsuka." He said. 'I wouldn't leave you', 'I would do anything for you', 'I would never hurt you', 'I would always be yours' were what he was trying to say. But Ritsuka didn't say anything back, keeping his thoughts and feelings to himself. Soubi wondered if he had heard at all but that wouldn't change anything.

"I love you, Ritsuka. I love you."

TBC

A/N: I wanted to name the cat Yuiko but that would be too cruel. 13 pages in three days! I hope this is good enough. R&R please…


	9. Second Chance

A/N: Taking a quick break from thesis. Here's the next chapter!

Disclaimer: Kouga Yun owns the characters and original Loveless story.

**Second Chance**

Soubi watched Ritsuka sleep. He watched the rise and fall of the boy's chest, the innocence on his face, the vulnerability of his pose. He saw a child; beautiful, innocent, child. A child not burdened by the darkness of adults' heart. He saw relief, escape. He saw his own entrapment, his cage.

Soubi approached the bed. He caressed the body tangled in white sheets. He smiled when slight frown marred the child's face. Before Ritsuka could wake up, he retracted his hand. No, he didn't want to spoil this. He wanted this to last just a little longer. He wanted to see Ritsuka dream. He wanted to see Ritsuka dream that everything was all right. And maybe everything would be all right.

So Soubi went back to his seat near the door to watch Ritsuka. He tried not to think, tried not to count the passing seconds. He didn't want to think that this Ritsuka was slipping away from him. He wanted to believe this moment would be for eternity.

But sadly nothing lasted forever. Soubi watched mournfully as Ritsuka slowly woke up, limbs slightly stretching to ease tense muscles. The boy blinked, still partially unaware of the world he had woken up to. When he turned to face the empty space in the bed, Soubi wasn't sure what he expected to see. Whatever it was, he knew it stole away any happiness and hope left in Ritsuka's eyes.

Soubi swallowed. The more he watched this scene, the more painful it was to him. What could he do to ease Ritsuka's pain? What could he do to make the boy happy again? What could he do to bring Ritsuka to him? What could he do to make Ritsuka love him?

Nothing. The answer was nothing. He had broken Ritsuka and now he couldn't even pick up the pieces.

"Good morning, Ritsuka." Soubi greeted quietly, with a deceiving smile. Did the boy buy it? He had seen Soubi's soul. He had been offered to have it. Yet, he never took it.

Ritsuka blinked, surprised. But other than that he showed no other reaction. He looked at Soubi, eyes penetrating the dim light. "Good morning." He replied quietly.

"Are you hungry yet?" Soubi said, standing up to open the windows. He narrowed his eyes to block the sudden assault of brilliant sunlight. The fresh morning air helped to ease his suffocation but didn't alleviate it completely. His body and mind threatened to give up, put an end to his suffering. Still, he needed to keep lying to Ritsuka. "Should I make you something to eat?"

"Yes." Ritsuka said, his voice as distant as his eyes.

Soubi felt tightening in his heart. A part of him wanted to rush to Ritsuka and shook the boy to awareness that Soubi had helped escape the devil's claws. Another wanted to take the boy again and again and again to ensure that this wasn't a figment of cruel imagination, that Ritsuka was here with him. An angrier part of him cried in betrayal and disappointment, demanding the love it felt it deserved. Soubi held back, taking a moment to calm himself before sitting next to Ritsuka.

The boy closed his eyes, unresponsive as Soubi pressed their lips together. He let Soubi explored his mouth with his tongue. He let Soubi caressed his hair, his body with gentle hands. But he didn't let Soubi see his heart.

"I love you, Ritsuka. I love you."

And still the boy didn't reply.

* * *

The house Ritsu provided was a reminiscent of the mansion where Soubi first met Ritsuka. The sterile whiteness of the house was the furthest thing from homely. Something about the house felt dead. The feeling was strengthened by the choice of decorations around the house. Soubi despised the pinned preserved butterflies, the beautiful wings still in death. Hopeless. Powerless. They could only succumb to the fate they had been forced into.

And yet the moment they stepped outside the house they were assaulted by liveliness. A natural fortress protected them from the rest of the world. Plants hid the wall that bordered their temporary sanctuary, colorful flowers distracted them from the fact that they were jailed, the sounds of animals gave the false impression of serenity. Beyond the walls were mountains and forest, and who knew whatever else Ritsu had used to make sure they'd stay.

Soubi was wary, unsure of the decision he had made. Had he helped Ritsuka out of a terrible fate or had he dragged the boy into something worse? He wanted to know why Ritsu bothered to offer help but the house was disconnected from the rest of the world. Cell phones couldn't be used here and there was no TV or any other mean to find out what was going on outside. Or at least that's what Ritsuka believed. Soubi didn't think Ritsu would trust anyone enough to leave his business in the hands of his subordinates so he searched for any mean of communication. He discovered a hidden phone line in the study that he used to contact Kio. After hearing the explanation about Soubi's current situation, Kio agreed to let Soubi know any news regarding Ritsu and Seimei.

"You've gotten yourself involved in very dangerous situation here, Sou-chan." Kio warned with a serious tone he rarely adopted. "Ritsu and Aoyagi are not the kind of people you want to mess around with."

Soubi knew that very well. He had been involved with few dangerous people in the past as many of his clients had some standing in the society. Displeasing one of these clients meant risking his future as a member of the oblivious society; death was rarely an issue. Aoyagi Seimei was a different threat, though. Seimei was unpredictable with his ways to get rid of those who stood in his way. Soubi knew that Ritsuka's disappearance might trigger him to take drastic measures, extreme violence wasn't beyond him as Soubi knew all too well.

That's one of the reasons why he hid the existence of the phone line from Ritsuka. He didn't want the boy to go through more shock from knowing the destructive nature of his brother's obsession with him. Soubi didn't think Ritsuka could handle more knowledge about this side of Seimei. Oblivion might be mercy in this case.

Here, in the middle of nowhere, every day was eternity. Even Soubi grew tired of counting the passing days. The anxiety wouldn't go away, though. When would the worst finally come? Would they be notified when it came? Would they be allowed to leave if it never happened? What were they waiting for? What he brought Ritsuka to?

Watching Ritsuka reading in the garden made Soubi almost forgot his worry. The boy looked so calm, so unconcerned of what was happening around him. The thick book in front of him captured all of his attention, easily distracting him from the rest of the world.

Soubi wouldn't dare to assume that the boy had forgotten about Seimei. He knew that Seimei's influence still lingered even though he was so far away. Would he ever break the chains that bind Ritsuka to Seimei? They were bound by blood and a past Soubi had no place in. He was just an intruder, a thief who stole Ritsuka away. He might have the boy but did Ritsuka really belong to him?

Ritsuka looked at him questioningly when Soubi sat next to him on the grass. The boy's mauve eyes were void of warmth and affection when Soubi stroke his hair. There was a wall there, something Soubi once could almost see through. Ritsuka carefully hid himself, not wanting to show Soubi what he felt and thought. Why? Did he hate Soubi for what he did?

"I love you, Ritsuka." He whispered.

There was nothing, no reaction. Soubi saw his reflection in Ritsuka's eyes, but he didn't see anything else there. He caressed Ritsuka's skin, warmed by the kind sun, and still there was nothing. Desperate, he pushed the boy to the ground, covering him in gentle kisses. A flush spread on the fair skin; a physical reaction occurred at the very least. But when Soubi looked into Ritsuka's eyes, he saw only distance.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." He chanted as he claimed Ritsuka under the clear blue sky. He didn't have to look to see Ritsuka wasn't looking at him. Distant. Unreachable. What should he do to make Ritsuka love him back?

* * *

Soubi buried his face in Ritsuka's chest, inhaling the boy's scent, listening to his steady heartbeat, suffering under his indifference. He closed his eyes, feeling so tired after all his attempts to prove his love and gained Ritsuka's heart. He did have the boy in his arms now. He did have the boy for himself now. But it wasn't enough. It just wasn't enough. Was it greedy to want Ritsuka's heart?

Soubi's love for Ritsuka was intense and definite. His fear for the powerful emotion lost in the face of his need to belong to Ritsuka. And he knew, he knew for sure that his everything was no longer his. He had dedicated his life, his mind, his heart to Ritsuka. And yet it didn't seem to matter. It didn't seem to be enough. What else should he do? What did Ritsuka want from him now?

When soft fingers traced his scars, Soubi started. It's the first time Ritsuka showed any interest in him since forever. Soubi fought to stay still, not wanting to embarrass or scare Ritsuka. He let the boy run his fingers over the scar tissues slowly, reading and rereading the message Seimei left in Soubi's chest.

"Did he really do this?" He asked quietly.

Soubi swallowed the pain that rose. Did Ritsuka still not trust him after all this time, after everything he had done for him? "Yes." He answered.

Ritsuka was silent for a very long time, just touching Soubi's scar. Soubi didn't know what to think about or what to feel. He had long since given up trying to understand Ritsuka. Now that Seimei's motive was revealed, the boy was more withdrawn than ever. What if Ritsuka contemplated on leaving him? What would he do? Should he stop him or should he respect his wishes? Soubi knew he couldn't live knowing Ritsuka chose to be with the demon. He couldn't live knowing Ritsuka being with anyone else but him. But at the same time, he knew he couldn't say no to Ritsuka. He wanted the best for Ritsuka. He'd give anything Ritsuka deemed the best thing for himself. Soubi had heard love could be painful but didn't he have the right to be happy, too?

"I love him."

Soubi shut his eye tightly. He felt his body grew cold from pain as his heart broke into pieces. He felt tears rose to his eyes and his throat clenched to disallow breath. Ritsuka loved Seimei.

"You do?" Soubi whispered. His body trembled. He couldn't decide whether to hold Ritsuka closer or to move away. He felt Ritsuka slipping away from him. Was there still a chance for Soubi? Should he take a chance? Was there any space in Ritsuka's life for Soubi?

"You said he loves me. Is that true?"

How much did Ritsuka intend to hurt him? Unable to take it anymore, Soubi pulled away. He sat at the edge of the bed, his hair hiding his expression. Ritsuka didn't move at all, as if he was unaffected by Soubi's obvious pain.

"It is."

"He loves me." Ritsuka said quietly. "He loves me."

Fighting off tears was even more difficult now. Soubi clenched his hands into fists, hoping the physical pain would distract him from psychological one. But it was no use. The pain stabbed deep into him. Abandoned, hopeless, powerless. Was he so undeserving of love?

"What are you going to do now?"

Ritsuka's silence seemed to stretch forever. By every second Soubi felt his heart break a little more. Was this how everything's going to end? Was this how Ritsuka's going to leave him?

"Do you love me?" Ritsuka asked unexpectedly.

Soubi smiled bitterly. How many times should he tell Ritsuka before the boy finally believed him? "I do. I love you, Ritsuka."

"Even though I love my own brother?"

Soubi had experienced many painful things in his life but none came close to this. He hadn't thought it was possible to feel this much pain and survive. He had sealed his heart away, protecting it from any threat of pain. But now that he had opened his heart for Ritsuka, he realized just how fragile human's feeling was. He had thought it was an exaggeration, but was it possible to die of a broken heart after all? "I love you, Ritsuka."

Another painful silence wrapped around them. Soubi was scared; scared of losing control, scared of more pain, scared of the part of him that still loved Ritsuka regardless. Should he wish for a swift end to this hopeless affair or should he hope for merciful delay? Hope could be such a dangerous thing. Soubi hadn't counted on love to torture him to his death.

"I never get to know my father. He was always busy, too busy to spend time with us. When he died, I didn't know what to mourn for." Ritsuka started with a small voice. "My mother is… she is… not too fond of me. She never cares about me, never loves at all. She loves Seimei, though. She loves him very much." There Ritsuka stopped as if to gather strength.

Soubi could hear soft rustling behind him as Ritsuka shifted around. He didn't dare to look back, afraid of what he'd see. He listened carefully for this was the first time Ritsuka told him about his life. All this time Soubi had only heard about it from others, people who claimed to know Ritsuka, but the boy remained a mystery. Still, he dared not hope that this was a sign that Ritsuka was giving a chance. He didn't think he could handle more disappointment, more pain.

"Everybody loves him. He is good-looking, smart, friendly, perfect in everyone's eyes. And to me… to me he is the most important person in my life. He's always been there for me. He's the only one who cares. He takes care of me. He loves me."

"And you love him."

"I didn't know anything outside the walls of my house. I was locked there. My own mother despises me. The maids are too scared to defend me. In that situation Seimei was everything to me, my world, my key to freedom, my only connection to the outside world, my only source of love." Ritsuka stopped. When he continued again, his voice cracked under the pressure of intense emotion. "But hurting people I care about in my life isn't love. That's not love he feels for me. That isn't like Seimei but that's Seimei. You said so. Nisei said so. That's the real Seimei. That's Seimei that I don't know. Soubi, does the Seimei I know exists at all?"

Unable to stop himself, Soubi turned to see Ritsuka. The boy was sitting up, knees pulled close to his chest as he looked at the blond forlornly. Soubi spread his arms a little as an invitation though he wasn't certain he was capable of providing comfort. Ritsuka didn't seem to care, though, as he climbed onto Soubi's lap, wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck, and buried his face there. Soubi sensed no tears, just hopelessness and confusion and fear. He embraced Ritsuka, ready to take Ritsuka's pain and sorrow if asked to.

"Does the Seimei I love exist at all?" Ritsuka whispered.

"I don't know, Ritsuka. I don't know."

But they knew Soubi knew. They knew the answer perfectly well. They knew the Seimei Ritsuka loved was a mere illusion. That perfect person never existed. It was merely a disguise of a demon, cruel and violent demon who wanted nothing more but complete possession of Ritsuka. Then what of Ritsuka's love for Seimei? Was it also unreal because the object of that affection isn't real? It had certainly felt real enough. Soubi could feel it, Ritsuka had believed it. Was that love just another illusion that would shatter?

When Ritsuka kissed him, Soubi knew what it meant. He loved Ritsuka sweetly that night, succumbing to anything the boy wanted. When tears slipped from the corners of Ritsuka's eyes, he kissed them away. The understanding was mutual; there was no point in ruminating on the past, the only thing that matter was the future. Soubi held Ritsuka's hand in his, as they made the first tiny step toward a new life, a life away from nightmares of man's desire.

"I love you, Ritsuka." Soubi whispered through heated kiss, soulful eyes boring into Ritsuka's.

And this time, for the first time, Ritsuka smiled when he heard that.

TBC

A/N: I just realized that Loveless is on hiatus. Too bad, I still need more info and inspiration from the series. At any rate, R&R, please.


	10. Lost and Found

A/N: Does anyone still remember this fic? It's been a while and I'm really, very sorry for the long wait. Life has been hectic but now I have more free time. As an apology (and a birthday present for myself!) here's a slightly smutty (and angsty) chapter for all!

**Lost and Found**

Had they still been in the city, things would have been easier. Soubi would be able to take Ritsuka to dinners in fancy restaurants, he could treat him to expensive gifts Ritsuka would hopefully find interesting, he could take him to private places where they could enjoy the hectic lives of those not in love, he could court the boy properly in an attempt to show sincerity. But they're no longer in the city. They're here, trapped in the prettied up cage they chose for themselves.

Of course, being in a city might not change many things. Would Soubi risk courting an underage boy in public? His love for Ritsuka was more important than his lust for the boy, but would other people be able to see that? How many would accept the idea that an adult could have a sincere, affectionate feeling to a child? Soubi didn't fear being judged –he had been judged too many times to start caring now- but he didn't wish Ritsuka to be subjected to such cruelty.

Soubi must work with what little they had. Improvising with the knowledge he had gained in his years as an escort. But impressing Ritsuka was not an easy task even for one trained to charm such as Soubi –the boy still had his doubt toward his intentions. After all the lies in his life had been exposed, Ritsuka was understandably untrusting towards the world. But Soubi refused to give up. He must win Ritsuka no matter what. He knew he couldn't win that objective with objects –Ritsuka was accustomed to life of luxury after all. He also knew Ritsuka wouldn't be impressed with the usual seduction he often utilized as an escort –the boy had seen the truth behind that mask of pleasantness. Soubi knew the only way to win Ritsuka's heart was with honesty.

There was fear in exposing the truth. Soubi wasn't used to being exposed, vulnerable and there was the uncertainty of whether Ritsuka was going to fall for his self or not. But this was the only thing Soubi had had left, this was what he hoped Ritsuka would love –not his façade, not his scarred body, and especially not his lies.

Soubi spoiled Ritsuka in as many ways he could with his limited resources. He tried to impress the boy with his limited cooking skill (which Ritsuka thankfully found satisfactory) and engage the boy in conversations about literatures and arts Ritsuka seemed to love. During the day he'd accompany Ritsuka in the garden to imagine freedom they didn't currently have. In the night he'd kiss Ritsuka goodnight and held the boy close to his longing heart.

Did it work though? Ritsuka did seem to relax around him more than before. Occasionally, he'd even laugh that childish laugh of his and make Soubi fall for him all over again. On rare occasions he'd childishly demand little treats Soubi would only be too happy to provide. But more often than not, he'd look at Soubi with a pensive expression that should not belong in a child his age.

What was he thinking? What was he feeling? Soubi didn't dare to ask. He didn't dare to hope. In the end, he wouldn't force his love on the boy. Ritsuka had been forced to bear too many burdens of adults, Soubi only wished to relieve him from it and not contribute to the burden. If Ritsuka didn't fall for him then Soubi would let him go, for he wished for nothing more than Ritsuka's happiness. He knew it would hurt –it hurt just thinking about it already- and he didn't know how he would be able to go on knowing Ritsuka would never love him back. He should try, though, if not for his own sake then for Ritsuka's. If he couldn't have Ritsuka with him then at the very least he would continue loving him.

"What are you doing?"

The question startled Soubi out of his musing. He had left Ritsuka in the garden after the boy showed his desire to be left in the privacy of his mind when Soubi tried to talk to him. He was keeping his mind occupied in the study and started to randomly draw when the boy found him. A hint of panic rose within Soubi for his drawing showed that no matter how far apart, his mind was always with Ritsuka.

The object of Soubi's drawing was Ritsuka himself. He had drawn Ritsuka with a brilliant smile on his face as he read a book in the garden. He was lying on his stomach, his tiny arms supporting the weight of his upper body. Grass blades stuck to his side, wind played with his clothes and hair, the sun kissed his pale skin It was an image he couldn't see often enough, an image he had every time he whispered Ritsuka's name with his lips, his mind, his soul.

Ritsuka stood next to Soubi to look at his work. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw that he was the subject of the drawing. Thankfully, unlike what he had feared, Ritsuka showed no sign of displeasure, only surprise.

"I didn't know you could draw." Ritsuka said bashfully, blush coloring his fair cheeks.

"I did it in my spare time." Soubi explained, turning his seat a little to the side so he could have a better look at Ritsuka. He must force himself not to pull Ritsuka into his embrace, knowing that Ritsuka wouldn't fully appreciate the sudden need for intimacy.

"Oh?" Ritsuka wondered, tracing the drawing with his fingertips. "This is beautiful. I mean… I…" Ritsuka stuttered in embarrassment, not wanting to be thought as vain.

This time Soubi couldn't resist touching Ritsuka. He stroke Ritsuka's soft hair gently to calm the boy. "You are beautiful, Ritsuka."

"How could you say that?" Ritsuka said with a pout, his blush deepening.

Soubi decided not to argue. He knew he would only push Ritsuka away if insist on that opinion. One day he would convice Ritsuka that he was indeed beautiful, but the day was not today. "Are you angry that I draw you?"

Ritsuka thought about it for a while. "No." He decided. "I'm… just surprised that you could draw so well."

"Really? I think it's not accurate enough." Soubi said, looking at his drawing in disinterest. In his mind, nothing could beat the beauty of the real Ritsuka. He had, for a moment, thought it was nice enough, a decent cure for his yearning. However, it was just a pale shadow now that the real person was beside him.

"Oh." Ritsuka said, sounding uncertain due to the disinterest in Soubi's voice. He traced the drawing again, seemed absorbed by a thought Soubi didn't dare to intrude. "It's still wonderful, though." He said timidly, frowning in attempt to keep away thoughts he wouldn't express.

Soubi observed this for a while before finally understanding the meaning behind the unspoken. He smiled, putting a hand over Ritsuka's smaller one. He doubted himself for a while, wondering whether his next action would be too out of line. But the opportunity was hard to pass, Ritsuka's interest was difficult to attain a second time. "Ritsuka." He said to draw the boy's attention. "Can I draw you?"

Torn between excitement and embarrassment, Ritsuka pulled his hand away. "Why would you want to do that?"

Soubi shrugged indifferently in an attempt to calm Ritsuka. "I just want to." He waited for another protest but when none came, he repeated his request, expertly hiding his nervousness behind a smile. "May I?"

"I don't know how to do it." Ritsuka muttered, lowering his face as if to hide from Soubi's loving eyes.

Soubi smiled in satisfaction and relief. "Just try to be as comfortable as possible. I need you to stay still for a while."

At first Ritsuka sat on a couch on one side of the study rigidly –Soubi sitting on a chair a few feet away. His nervousness showed plainly until Soubi talked to him to make him relax. Once he was more at ease, Soubi asked him to lay on his stomach with his head propped on his palm while he was looking at Soubi's direction. After a few tense minutes, Ritsuka relaxed enough to bend his knees and swung his legs slowly in the air, looking like an innocent child Soubi always loved to see.

"Who taught you to draw?" Ritsuka asked.

"I taught myself." Soubi said, lifting his eyes to take in the sight before returning to the paper once again. Unfortunately they only had pencils and pens here, but Soubi was determined to make a replica of Ritsuka as beautiful as the real person was. He would not disappoint Ritsuka after the boy initiate the drawing session. "I didn't have many toys when I was a child so I must find ways to entertain myself."

"Where were your parents?"

Soubi paused for a second but quickly returned to his task. He didn't dare look to see whether Ritsuka noticed. It had been a while since he even thought of his parents. Even when he still lived with them, they weren't close to him. In fact, it felt like they never existed in his life at all. And yet Ritsuka's question managed to stir something in him that he thought had died. "They were busy trying to make ends meet." He left out the fact that his father sold drugs and his mother sold herself for money that they'd use for their own needs. Ritsuka was too young to know those harsh facts. "They were rarely home."

"When was the last time you saw them?"

"A long time ago. I left home when I was ten."

"You did?" There was surprise in Ritsuka's voice. He clearly couldn't imagine a ten years-old living on his own. Soubi didn't wish to fill him in the dirty details during his life on the street but of couse Ritsuka would ask. "How did you do it? How did you manage to live on your own at that age?"

Was Ritsuka ready for this truth? Did he really want honesty? Should Soubi lie? The blond closed his eyes briefly to gather his strength. No more lies. "I sold my body to men." Soubi answered, looking at Ritsuka with a calm expression that belied none of his fear. Ritsuka looked shocked but not disgusted as Soubi thought he might be. He didn't think the fact that he sold his body surprised Ritsuka –no, that's how they first met after all. It was the idea that a ten years-old sold his body to survive the harsh life on the street that surprised the boy. Soubi had been even younger than Ritsuka when that happened! "No one would employ a child so I had few choices." He explained further. He wondered if he could stop here, but Ritsuka's expression suggested that the boy would want to know how he came to be who he was today. Soubi hid his displeasure by focusing on his work. The next part of his story he found more distasteful than the previous one. "Ritsu found me when I was about your age and employ me. It's not a life that's much different than before, but at least I was taken care of."

"Why didn't you leave?" Ritsuka asked, fear, sadness, and confusion coloring his voice.

"I have nowhere to go."

Ritsuka didn't say anything else after that and Soubi was allowed to finish his drawing his peace. He was a little distracted by the memories Ritsuka's question brought forth, but there was no point in regret or anger. History couldn't be rewritten. The past had gone, never to return. There was not much point in lamenting it when he had the present, when he had Ritsuka. His life now was about Ritsuka; not his parents or Ritsu.

When the drawing was done Ritsuka went to look at it. Carefully he put his thin arm around Soubi's broad shoulder and lightly leaned his head on Soubi's. "It's wonderful." He commented. Something about his tone told Soubi that he wasn't really talking about the drawing. Ritsuka moved a little closer, his comforting warmth beckoning Soubi near. "You've done a great job, Soubi."

Soubi put his head on Ritsuka's chest and tried not to cry.

* * *

Since that day, they spent more time together. Ritsuka was careful not to ask too much about Soubi's past though it was obvious that he was very curious about it. Perhaps he was even guilty for causing grief toward Soubi but dared not mention it. That day was never talked about again but it had done its part in bringing Ritsuka into Soubi's life, whether the boy wanted it or not.

To avoid awkwardness, they shared their interests. Soubi, not being an avid reader such as Ritsuka, learnt more about literature from the boy. He was impressed by the boy's knowledge and still found it hard to believe that philosophy was Ritsuka's favorite subject. That fact both explained Ritsuka's mature view of his life and acted as a testimony to his intelligence. This increased Soubi's admiration toward him although he was also worried that it would also steal whatever was left Ritsuka's child-like view of the world.

On the other hand, Soubi always had interest in beauty in anything but other human being. He loved arts, especially paintings, partially because he used to draw and also because it was one of the topics taught to him to use to entertain his clients. Being raised in a wealthy family, Ritsuka was familiar with arts though he didn't know exactly what made some much more valuable than others. They viewed sample pictures of paintings in some books in the library, pointing out what made some painting classic examples of masterpieces or laughing at imaginary things they saw in abstract arts.

For a while, Seimei seemed like a very distant past. The terror, the grief never seemed to happen. For a while, it seemed like the rest of the world ceased to exist. They were the only ones for each other. They were each other's source of happiness, sadness, hope, and life. Nothing else mattered, not even the uncertain tomorrow. Nothing felt impossible, Soubi almost believed in a 'happily ever after' with Ritsuka. He could imagine walking toward the setting sun, to a kingdom bathed in eternal sunlight, in a safe place where he could love and be loved by Ritsuka.

Such was the magic of Ritsuka who now had greater power than ever before in Soubi. It was now a struggle to refuse the boy of anything. Soubi occasionally feared he had spoiled the child too much, though Ritsuka's maturity proved to dampen the effect of Soubi's total adoration. Soubi wondered if he was the only one greatle affected in this relationship. He noticed that he had changed, that he was no longer the same person while Ritsuka remained mostly the boy he first knew.

His view of life had changed. Ritsuka's forgiving and loving nature helped him saw through his bitterness and hatefulness toward the world that had abandoned him. His mask was mostly gone for Ritsuka demanded nothing less than honesty. He was also happier now, smiles and laughters were no longer feigned or forced. He was more open toward new experiences and knowledge, no longer fearing past and looking forward to the future.

Soubi even revisited his childhood with Ritsuka, reminiscing the time he loathed to try to find lessons to learn. Accepting the past didn't come easily to him but he was encouraged by the small hands holding him close. At moments of despaired reminiscent, Soubi was comforted by Ritsuka's presence. Before he quite realized it, he was now able to look back to his past and accepted without malice and regrets. He no longer run from it for he now realized that it's long gone.

"Is there anything I can do to pay back for what you've done to me?" Soubi asked one day, when he was in Ritsuka's embrace, the boy's heartbeats right under his ear.

"There's no need for payment. This isn't a trade." Ritsuka replied, stroking Soubi slowly in a gesture the blond hoped was loving.

"Make a request, Ritsuka. Make a wish. Let me show you what I feel now that I'm with you."

At first, Ritsuka refused to make any request, insisting that he was more than content as he was. But Soubi was persistent and eventually the boy made small wishes Soubi was only too glad to fulfil. The most difficult request he made was probably for Soubi to draw again, since he claimed to love Soubi's art. At first the blonde hesitated because there was nothing to draw with but pencils and pens, but Ritsuka insisted. Eventually, he relented while jokingly asking Ritsuka to be his model. Much to his surprise, Ritsuka actually agreed, though not without some bashfulness.

"You'd be a perfect model, Ritsuka." He told the boy with an adoring smile, gaining a blush as an answer.

"Just don't draw for too long." Ritsuka muttered, hiding his embarrassment behind a pout. "Staying still is exhausting."

Soubi laughed and before he knew what he was doing, he had kissed Ritsuka lightly on the forehead. When he realized what he had done, he quickly pulled away. He looked at Ritsuka, worried that the boy might be angry. So far he had only guiltily given in to the temptation of embracing Ritsuka at night, it was the only way he could think of to quench his undying desire for the boy. Soubi didn't want to do more than that before Ritsuka was ready and fully comfortable with him. He did mean the kiss to show his adoration instead of lust but he wasn't sure the boy understood that.

But there was no anger or disdain in Ritsuka's eyes. He only looked at Soubi with unreadable expression, keeping his thoughts and emotions to himself. Soubi wondered if he had truly crossed the line this time, if he had made all his efforts went to waste with that seemingly simple gesture. Confusion and fear mingling in his heart, Soubi pulled away with a grim smile.

"Why don't you stand by the window there, Ritsuka? I want to draw you with the trees as the background." He instructed gently.

Ritsuka nodded, still not saying anything. There was no smile on his face, no playful twinkle in his eyes, nothing that Soubi was familiar with in the past few days. Soubi felt his heart sank painfully but he kept smiling, busying his body with drawing in vain hope to make the pain in his chest duller. Had he once again failed to win Ritsuka?

* * *

Soubi was roused from a nightmare of cold, lonely life without his love, by movements around the bed. Sleepily he tried to tighten his embrace around Ritsuka but his arms were empty, he was without Ritsuka by his side. He quickly opened his eyes, worried that he'd been left by Ritsuka. His fear was unfound, however, because Ritsuka was sitting beside him on the bed, looking at him with a peculiar look on his face.

"Ritsuka? Why are you awake? Are you alright?" he asked groggily.

For a while Ritsuka continued to look at him thoughtfully, mind turning in mysterious ways Soubi had yet to fully understand. Then, without any warning, he suddenly straddled Soubi's hips. This instantly woke the blonde and he pushed himself up on his elbows to look at the boy. Ritsuka seemed a little nervous but ultimately determined as he stared back at Soubi. He bit his lip then began to unbutton Soubi's shirt.

"Ritsuka!" Soubi exclaimed in shock. He held the boy's small hands to stop him, even though his body showed interest in the action. He took a deep breath, willing his body to obey his mind. He didn't want to force Ritsuka into this. He didn't want to commit the same mistake Seimei did. "You don't have to do this."

"Why not?"

"You don't have to do what you don't want to do." Soubi explained a little desperately. How should he make Ritsuka understand? How should he explain that he wanted Ritsuka to do this out of love instead of out of lust? How did he explain that he desperately needed Ritsuka's affection and desire?

Ritsuka stared at him in consideration for a moment and Soubi thought that he had changed his mind. He released Ritsuka's hand, wondering how to break confusion and awkwardness that would surely follow. But then Ritsuka leaned forward and kissed Soubi on the lips sweetly.

The boy was no longer unpracticed. He knew how to tease and coax Soubi into submission with his tongue and lips while his little hands roamed Soubi's covered body. He tasted as sweet as Soubi remembered. But it wasn't the boy he remembered. He was too good at this, knowing how to chase Soubi's tongue with his, how to coax it into his tiny mouth, how to caress skin and enflame desire. His skill was a little distracting and even painful, but in the end Soubi couldn't resist marking Ritsuka's mouth with his eager tongue.

This was something Soubi only dared to dream about. He had always been worried that his desire was one-sided, that Ritsuka was only forced to oblige him because he was older and stronger. Ritsuka's advances pleased him, but he wasn't without doubt. Was this moment only driven by gratitude or even desperation? The suddenness sure was suspicious. Did the boy know what he was doing? Did he realize the implication?

Ritsuka gasped in surprise when Soubi pushed him back and thus break the kiss. The boy's lips were slightly swollen and his eyes glassy with lust. Soubi nearly groaned with desire but held himself back in order to get clarification.

"Why, Ritsuka? Why did you suddenly…"

"Can't I just want you?" Ritsuka asked, annoyance and insecurity creeping into his voice. He reminded Soubi of the first time they met, when Ritsuka was just an innocent child unaware of the darkness of men's desire.

Soubi wanted to draw Ritsuka into his embrace to calm him, assure him that all was fine, that he meant no harm. But this conversation needed to be had. He needed to know for sure. "You want me?" Soubi asked quietly, not quite believing his ears.

Sighing to release exasperation, Ritsuka's expression softened and he pressed another kiss on Soubi's lips. "I do." He whispered. "So, please, let me…"

Soubi couldn't find it within him to say no to Ritsuka. He let the boy undress him, take off his shirt to kiss his chest and abdomen, and stroke his desire over the cloth of his trousers. Soubi groans softly, petting Ritsuka's head as he teased his nipple with his agile tongue. He always desired Ritsuka, always would, but the boy's new skill took him to another level of want. His free hand clutched at the sheet as he tried not to throw Ritsuka down and have his way with him. No. He wanted to give Ritsuka a chance to change his mind, to do what he wished to do. The boy had been forced by adult's desire far too many times, it was time for him to make his own decision, to have the freedom to please himself.

* * *

Spent and filled with affection, Soubi wrapped his arms around Ritsuka tightly. He didn't want this to end. He didn't want Ritsuka to leave. He didn't want Ritsuka to change his mind. He needed Ritsuka to stay with him, to let him redeem his sins, to let him love him.

"Soubi…"

"I love you, Ritsuka." Soubi whispered into his hair. "I love you."

Fear crept back when Ritsuka pushed himself up. But before he could voice his plea for Ritsuka to stay, the boy planted a tender kiss to his lips. Soubi's breath was caught. He didn't want to get his hopes up. He didn't need to break his heart one more time. He didn't think he could handle much more disappointment. But what could Ritsuka mean with that kiss?

"Soubi," Ritsuka began, his eyes holding Soubi's to make sure he had his full attention. "Soubi, I love you."

His heart might have skipped a beat, but Soubi didn't notice. He stared as Ritsuka whispered those words over and over again while kissing his face. If there was uncertainty in Ritsuka's face then he had ignored it. Soubi felt warmth in his chest, warmth he thought he would never feel again. He wrapped his arms around Ritsuka and kissed those sweet lips, trying to convey what no words could perfectly express.

"I love you. I love you. I love you."

TBC

A/N: I cut the sex scene because I don't want to get in trouble in ffnet. You can find the full version in my LJ, though. Also, my planning sucks but the next chapter will probably be the last. It's also the most difficult to write. I wish I have the canon to help but... Oh, well. Wish me luck. Let's hope I'll really finish this fic this year!


	11. Final Duel

A/N: Hardest chapter to write. Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: Loveless and its characters belong to me, not.

**Final Duel**

If this was a dream, then Soubi didn't wish to ever wake up. It was too good to be true, far too good to be true. Sometimes he was worried that he was only imagining things, that he was living an illusion. But no. It was real. Ritsuka was really here with him, loving him, finally loving him.

Soubi didn't dare take his eyes off the boy. He was constantly filled with the desire to touch Ritsuka, to make sure that the image he saw with his eyes was real. Reading Soubi's doubt correctly, Ritsuka was a little annoyed. But this time instead of pulling away, Ritsuka practiced patience, letting Soubi test his own sense and sanity. He said nothing, though his eyes showed mild exasperation, granting Soubi time to absorb their new reality.

It took days until Soubi finally came to conclusion that his mind and Ritsuka weren't tricking him. Ritsuka hinted that he had taken too long, but was pleased nonetheless. He seemed more relaxed when it was no longer necessary to constantly prove his sincerity. He smiled more often, Soubi noticed, and Soubi was smitten all over again, helplessly falling more and more in love with the boy.

Sadness still remained. Soubi was aware that he would never be able to replace the family Ritsuka wished to have. He was a lover at best, but not a family. Often times, he feared Ritsuka had been too hurt by his relatives. An abusive mother and manipulative brother didn't make a normal, working family but they were the only ones he could relate to. There were some things to settle, feelings Ritsuka needed to let out and it hurt Soubi that he couldn't help his young lover. He'd kiss and hug Ritsuka, but he knew some wounds hadn't healed and could not be healed by him.

Soubi dreaded to think of returning to Ritsuka's house to face his mother, or worse, Seimei. The boy was no longer oblivious to the evil in their hearts, but nothing could erase their familial bond. Would Ritsuka returned to his family if promised no more suffering? Soubi knew it wasn't possible. Seimei's possessiveness could only be held back for so long. It would only be a matter of time before his resentment to those who came near Ritsuka turned violent again. But Soubi knew how good he was with words. He could lie without feeling remorse. He would convince Ritsuka to only belong to him without realizing how wrong he was. And Ritsuka… Would Ritsuka buy it again? Would he give Seimei another chance? The boy was truly too kind for his own good and it frightened Soubi.

As long as they remained in this seclusion, their relationship was safe. They were the only ones for each other. There's no one to judge them, to hate them, to tell them what they're supposed to be. It was so much easier this way. It wasn't right, but they had never walked the path that society considered right anyway. They had little chance of regaining society's grace and forgiveness. What they've done was unforgivable, especially since neither of them regretted it. They had been led to their path by circumstances that the world refused to acknowledge. They weren't part of what people wanted to know about, and that was where they would stay.

Yes, it was easier this way. They should remain like this forever, away from others, having no one but themselves to love and cherish. And yet still…

"I've never had any friend." Ritsuka said one day when they were reviewing a book. At Soubi's surprised look, he continued. "I've been homeschooled all my life. They said it's to protect me, as well as to ensure the quality of my education."

Soubi detected bitterness in Ritsuka's voice. He knew how that those weren't the only reasons he wasn't allowed to leave his house. His body was mostly unmarred, the few visible scar tissues could easily be dismissed as a result of childish clumsiness, but his heart and soul were scarred with violence the blond feared Ritsuka would never recover from. Soubi carefully watched Ritsuka's expression for a sign of longing or regret or anger, but the boy's face was carefully kept blank.

"So you've never met kids your age?"

"Of course I have! My mothers had guests once in a while and some of them brought their children. I was never very close to any of them, though. Mother wouldn't let me be around anyone for too long. And I've told you that the servants were too afraid of her to befriend me." Ritsuka stopped there, sidestepping the topic of Seimei. "There was a girl. She was a maid's daughter. She came to my house once in a while and we'd talk secretly. She was afraid of my mom but for some reason wouldn't leave me alone."

There was a slight smile on Ritsuka's lips, making Soubi wonder about this girl. Ritsuka never showed much interest in anyone else but Seimei. He cared about other people, but he was never attached to any of them. Who was this girl to rival Seimei in Ritsuka's life? Did Seimei know about it? And if he did… Soubi dreaded the thought of Seimei knowing about this little girl. He knew she wouldn't be spared.

"So you do have a friend."

Ritsuka tilted his head to one side, hesitating. "I guess I did. I wasn't always very nice to her. She could be very… excited. Very talkactive, too. Once she started on a topic, she could hardly be stopped." Ritsuka smiled a little at the fond memory, making it difficult for Soubi to breach the next topic.

"Did your mother find out about her?"

The light in Ritsuka's eyes dimmed a little at the mention of his mother. He tried to act nonchalant but Soubi knew that he wasn't unaffected. "Mother never liked Yuiko. She tried to keep her away from me, but Yuiko always found ways to meet me. At least until I was taken to the mansion."

There was no mention of Seimei, but Soubi wouldn't feel relieved too quickly. Seimei kept his eyes closely on the Ritsuka. It's almost impossible that he had missed the closeness between the boy and Yuiko. It had also been proven that Seimei had done many terrible things behind Ritsuka's back. Soubi could tell that this thought disturbed Ritsuka as well.

"Ritsuka…"

"I asked a maid about her when she was delivering my meal. She said she's fine." Ritsuka said, sounding like he tried to convince himself. He took a deep breath then looked at Soubi resolutely. "She actually managed to sneak a letter for me into my meal a couple of times. I couldn't reply to her, but she seemed alright. She wrote about her school projects, friends, and teachers. The usual things."

Soubi nodded in agreement, not wanting to worry Ritsuka further. He waited until the boy's agitation disappeared before asking, "Do you miss her?"

Ritsuka looked at him in surprise. "Well, I… I never thought of it before."

"Do you?"

"Why are you asking me this? Are you…"

Insane? Jealous? Nervous? Obsessed? Probably a bit of at least one of those. One thing Soubi knew for sure, though, was that he was unsure, insecure once again. He realized that he didn't have much to offer Ritsuka. In this case, he was aware that their age difference would forever keep them away. That gap couldn't be bridged despite Ritsuka's unusual maturity. Soubi could be patient. He had been through what Ritsuka was and would go through. But what about Ritsuka? Would he grow tired of Soubi's outdated view of life?

"Maybe. Just a little." Ritsuka answered, hesitant. "She is… probably the only part of my old life I miss."

Soubi smiled. "You really like her, don't you?"

"Well, yes… But not in that way!" Ritsuka said defensively. He bit his lip, embarrassed and a little annoyed. "She's a friend. That's all she is. That's all she'll ever be."

Soubi's smile grew wider. "Not even a puppy love?"

"No! Soubi!" Ritsuka exclaimed, face turning red in embarrassment. His pout was so adorable Soubi had to pull him to his lap to hug him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Soubi muttered, lightly caressing Ritsuka's back to calm him. He inhaled the scent of the boy deeply, enjoying the intimacy, calming himself and his silly insecurity. "I'm sorry, I guess I was worried."

"Worried?" Ritsuka asked into his chest, his hands holding Soubi's shirt loosely.

Soubi nodded. "We don't have much here and we only have each other for company. Aren't you bored?" He let Ritsuka pulled away from his embrace though he didn't let go. "Don't you want to go back to the city?"

Ritsuka frowned. "Why would I want that? I have all I need here. I have… more than I've ever had." Realizing that he had hit a sore spot, Soubi immediately tried to apologize but Ritsuka interrupted him. "Yes, life here is different from what I used to have, but there's nothing wrong with that. I could adjust to it. We could adjust to it. We'll figure out a way to make this work."

Soubi couldn't help but smile. Ritsuka's trust flattered him. Soubi had often lost confidence in himself, especially when it came to Ritsuka. Yes, he had determination. But determination alone wasn't enough. He knew who he was up against, the seemingly-perfect Aoyagi Seimei. Soubi was a pale shadow compared to the devil, and Ritsuka had seen it right from the start. Therefore, he was elated to know that Ritsuka indeed saw him in such a light, that Ritsuka hadn't lost his ability to trust and decided to trust him.

"I hope I wouldn't disappoint you."

"You'd better not." Ritsuka said with a pout, a blush coloring his fair cheeks. He smiled shyly when Soubi kissed him and whispered his reply when Soubi confessed his love yet another time. The manor was quiet and still. The sunlight warmed them as they enjoyed the moment, basking in affection. And they foolishly thought eternity was in their hands.

* * *

Soubi frowned as he tried to finish his latest sketch of Ritsuka. At first he couldn't put his finger on it. The study, as well as the rest of the mansion, was silent as usual. Ritsuka was probably at the garden again, bored of the convining space they must bear to live in. Then what had disturbed Soubi?

The blond looked around the room, trying to place the source of the disturbance. At first he didn't notice it, but then his eyes caught the blinking red light partially hidden by tall book shelves. Soubi's heart raced when he realized that there was an incoming phone call. He had never gotten any of those before. He had made it perfectly clear to both Ritsu and Kio that he'd rather be left alone unless in case of emergency. What kind of emergency situation could this be?

Soubi quickly picked up the phone, unsure of what to expect. "Hello?"

"Sou-chan!" Kio's voice answered him. Years of knowing Kio taught Soubi that he was in great distress. The blond tightened his hold on the phone, waiting for the news to come. "Seimei… Ritsu was…"

Seimei? Ritsu? Both names made Soubi's stomach twisted. What did they do this time? Did Ritsu finally broke his own promise and decided to work with Seimei? "Calm down, Kio. Tell me clearly." He said, trying hard not to let his fear show.

"Seimei found Ritsu! I don't know what they talked about but they got into a fight and… and…" Kio's voice shook with overwhelming emotions. Soubi could hear fear and anger in his voice and immediately knew that danger was coming. Where was Ritsuka now? How could they escape from this place? Where should they run off to? "Seimei, he blinded Ritsu because he refused to disclose your location!"

Soubi blinked. Of all things he expected to hear, this wasn't one of them. "What?"

"That bastard blinded Ritsu! He would've bled to death if his bodyguards hadn't found him on time!"

"And Seimei?" Soubi was almost afraid to ask.

"They couldn't find him! Ritsu regained consciousness about an hour ago and told us about Seimei. His guards have been sweeping the city but still couldn't find him!"

"Do you think he knows where we are?"

"Maybe. We know he has searched Ritsu's hotel room for something, probably your location. We're not sure whether he's only hiding or on his way to where you are but, just in case, we're sending people to pick you up! Ritsu has a small house in a town near there. You can use it for a while before we find a new safe house."

"Thank you, Kio."

Soubi didn't waste time to think. He doubted he could do so clearly, without fear interfering logic. His priority was Ritsuka's safety and he couldn't ensure that when he was overwhelmed by his feelings. He had to remain composed for Ritsuka's sake.

"Ritsuka!"

The boy looked up from the book he was reading. He seemed so innocent, unaware of the approaching doom. For a moment Soubi thought of fabricating the truth, the insecure part of his mind whispered jealousy to his mind, but no, Ritsuka deserved the truth. The boy had seen too many lies, had been hurt too many times by them. Soubi refused to be one of those liars. He refused to hurt Ritsuka in any way.

"We have to go." He said, kneeling next to the confused boy. "Seimei has found Ritsu and is probably on his way here."

Soubi watched Ritsuka's expression carefully, searching for a sign of rejection toward him. What should he do if Ritsuka refused to come with him? Should he force him to go? Should he leave Ritsuka for that demon to find? Seimei meant a lot for the boy. He might no longer be his lover, but he would forever be his brother, his only brother, the only one of his family who cared. It was a bond that could never be erased. A history that couldn't be rewritten. Soubi had no power over those.

He also knew how cunning Seimei could be and how obsessed he was with Ritsuka. He knew the man had used to violence and lies in the past to have Ritsuka and wouldn't hesitate to use them again. More than anything, it was the lies that Soubi feared, Seimei's ability to manipulate words and, thus, people's mind. Ritsuka had known the truth, but was it enough to protect him from deceitful words Seimei would undoubtedly employ?

But Ritsuka chased away Soubi's fears with a firm nod. "Let's go." He said. "Let's get away from here."

Ritsuka's certainty gave Soubi the strength he needed. They quickly packed for their departure from a house they could almost call a home. There was nothing much to bring, the only things that mattered were the memories Soubi carefully kept in a briefcase. Ritsuka held Soubi's hand in his, projecting confidence and calmness Soubi couldn't, as they waited for the car to arrive.

As seconds ticked by, Soubi tried not to think of the worst case scenarios, the nightmares that for a moment he thought wouldn't return. He had been lulled by the serenity, but now he had wakened up once more to the cruel reality. Seimei was coming for them, he knew it for sure. Seimei wanted Ritsuka, always had, always would. If he failed again this time, he would come for him again. He wouldn't give up until Ritsuka was his completely. He wouldn't understand that it could never be, that Ritsuka wouldn't want to be tied down to the pretty little cage he set for him. He wouldn't accept the fact that Ritsuka loved others, too, that Seimei wasn't the only one in his world.

Soubi closed his eyes tightly, trying to gain strength to protect Ritsuka. It wouldn't be easy. It would be exhausting. But he would do it. He would do anything for his love.

The sound of the gate opening roused Soubi from his gloomy thoughts. After many months of solitude, they had company. Fear crept back to Soubi's heart but he pushed them away. He tightened his hold on Ritsuka's hand. "It's time to go."

Ritsuka nodded quietly and followed him out. A car waited for them at the front yard. It was an inconspicuous car, not one of the luxurious ones Soubi knew Ritsu had, a perfect mean for a secret escape. The windows were tinted black, hiding those inside. Soubi wondered how long they would be able to fool Seimei this time.

They closed the door behind them and stepped into the sun and the unknown future. The long mountain road before them reminded them of the unfinished, tumoltuous journey. Warm sunlight helped rebuild their optimism and hopefulness for a better tomorrow.

But it was shattered as soon as they had it in their frail grasp.

Soubi and Ritsuka froze when the driver stepped out of the car to greet them. Seimei smiled in satisfaction at Ritsuka's shocked face. His gaze went cold when he looked at Soubi but he quickly averted his eyes, not wanting Ritsuka to see his true self.

"Hello, Ritsuka. I missed you." He said with a kind smile. Soubi felt Ritsuka's grip slackened in his hand and dread wound it's way into him once more. "I was worried about you. Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

Ritsuka was speechless, whether out of fear or shock, Soubi didn't know. He dared not look away from Seimei. Somewhere underneath the suit he wore, he must've carried a weapon. He must've known Ritsu's people were looking for him and wouldn't go without one. Soubi thought of the violence he was capable of doing. This man was too dangerous to deal with on his own.

"He doesn't want to be with you anymore." Soubi found himself saying. Seimei's evil glare turned to him, almost silencing him, but he persisted for Ritsuka. "He doesn't love you anymore."

"No?" Seimei asked in a hurtful tone, once again looking at Ritsuka. "I'm sorry, I must've hurt you somehow. Whatever it was, I didn't mean it. You know I only want you to be safe and happy. Please, let me make it up to you, Ritsuka." He reached out for the boy as he said that and Soubi felt Ritsuka begin to hesitate. He tightened his hold on the boy's hand, but he wondered if it reached his heart.

"Why did you order Nisei to kill Shinonome-sensei?" Ritsuka asked quietly. A look of surprise crossed Seimei's face for a second and reminded the boy of why he left him. "Why did you hurt Soubi?" He continued more loudly.

For a moment, Soubi was sure Seimei realized his defeat. His cruelty had been discovered by his beloved, his perfect mask had been tarnished. He had lost Ritsuka.

But then he smiled sadly, looking remorseful for the cruel crimes he committed heartlessly. He wouldn't surrender easily. He wouldn't give up on Ritsuka. "Oh, I see. So that's why you ran away from me. I'm sorry, perhaps I should've explained it to you before but I didn't want you to be worried. I only did that for your wellbeing."

"My wellbeing?" Ritsuka wondered, disbelieving.

"Yes. You see, Shinonome has been hired by mother to hurt you. Indeed she was referred to me by a source close to mother, but it didn't cross my mind that she worked for mother. Her family owed us a rather large sum of money due to her late father's gambling habit. She lived in poverty with her sick mother before our mother summoned her to offer a cruel deal. Her debts will be written off if she kills you. When I was alerted of this, I didn't want to waste time and risk her hurting you."

"But she never hurts me!" Ritsuka protested. "She isn't capable of hurting anyone!"

"She didn't want to hurt you." Seimei agreed. "She's a very kind woman, indeed. But she was also desperate. Just a few days before you disappeared, she made a purchase at a local drugstore for strong medications. She doesn't have any medical condition so this suspicious purchase was reported to me. When I looked up into her history, I found the connection with our family. I didn't want to believe it either, but that's the truth. She was hired to kill you." He looked at Ritsuka sadly, begging for forgiveness and love. "I only wanted to protect you. I love you, Ritsuka."

"B-but then what about Soubi?" Ritsuka stammered as the truth began to distort. "Why did you hurt him? He couldn't be hired to kill me!"

"But he hurt you, didn't he? He touched you, didn't he? I know it was you who asked for his company, but it's a crime, Ritsuka. He should've refused, should've stopped before things went too far, but didn't. And then he became obsessed with you. Did you know that he refused other requests but yours? It's unhealthy and I was worried for you. I admit I was angry when I hurt him, but could you blame me for that? Could you blame me for being jealous?"

It was the truth. It was the truth twisted into a terrible, terrible lie. The worst thing about it was Soubi couldn't deny a single thing about it. Soubi shook as he sensed Ritsuka slipping away from him and back into Seimei's embrace.

"No, Ritsuka." Soubi said, looking into Ritsuka's amethyst eyes in a desperate attempt to win him back. "I love you. It wasn't an obsession. I fell in love with you and I couldn't help it. I couldn't control that. I tried to, Ritsuka. But I'm too in love with you." He knelt in front of the boy, hands holding his arms to keep him from escaping as he begged.

"See? Please, Ritsuka, leave him. Come with me. He doesn't love you. He's obsessed with you. Who knows what his obsession will drive him to do? He could hurt you, Ritsuka. He's dangerous. Please, come with me. Let me protect you. Let's go somewhere no one could find us, not him, not mother. You don't have to worry about them, or anyone anymore. I'll make you happy." Seimei said, reaching out for Ritsuka with a concerned look.

"Ritsuka. Ritsuka, believe me. I love you. I love you. I really love you." Soubi pleaded, growing more and more distressed as doubt clouded Ritsuka's eyes.

"No, he doesn't. I'm the only one who loves you. I'm the only one who could protect you. Don't believe in his lies, Ritsuka. It's me you should believe in."

"Ritsuka, please." Soubi pleaded, desperate, terrified to lose Ritsuka. He couldn't deny the truth Seimei said. Yes, what he felt wasn't morally right. Yes, he had commited a crime. But how did one fight love? Yes, there was no doubt in his mind that it's love. He had started it all wrong, but he knew better now. He had tried to make it right, make up for his past mistakes. Or were his efforts not enough? Hadn't he managed to fully convince Ritsuka yet? "Please."

Ritsuka was quiet for a long time, not looking at either man. Seconds ticked painfully slow, each one stabbing Soubi's heart. Seimei, on the other hand, exuded quiet confidence, as if he was sure of his victory. And sure enough, Ritsuka slowly pulled away from Soubi.

Soubi tightened his grip on Ritsuka's arms, heartbroken and unwilling to let go. This couldn't be happening! Ritsuka couldn't be leaving him!

"Let him go." Seimei said, pointing a gun toward Soubi. Any trace of kindness was gone now, replaced by heartlessness. Soubi had no doubt that he would pull the trigger if he refused. He'd come up with a pretty lie after that, paint Soubi as the enemy and him as the hero. "Ritsuka, come here."

Ritsuka seemed a little surprised that Seimei pulled out a gun, but didn't let that deter him from leaving. "Let me go, Soubi." Ritsuka quietly requested.

Reluctantly, Soubi let him go. He watched in despair as the boy approached Seimei, a small smile in his face. With a gentle touch of his hand, he made Seimei lower his gun. He whispered something Soubi could no longer hear amidst his misery, to Seimei's ear. They smiled at each other, smiles to similar yet so different, as their bond reconnect, and sealed it with a tender kiss as a final torture to Soubi. That something they shared had no place for Soubi. He was discarded, no longer wanted.

Ritsuka didn't even glance at him when he and Seimei got on the car. Soubi watched quietly as they drove away, unable to think, unable to feel, unable to cry. In his mind he replayed every moment he shared with Ritsuka; their first meeting, their uncertainty, their first time, their dates, their conversations, their separation, the reencounter, their escape, the first time Soubi told him he loved him, the first time Ritsuka told him he love him, and every single time they confessed their love to each other after that.

He loved Ritsuka, he really did. He felt it with every fiber of his being when he gazed into the boy's eyes, when he heard his melodic voice, when they touched, even when they were apart. A special place in his heart that belonged to the boy was hollow now and there was no way for him to fill it with anyone else. It left with Ritsuka,it had been taken away. Not stolen, but taken. Did Ritsuka know that? Did he care? Or had he thrown it away now that he had chosen Seimei? Would he at least remember Soubi as Soubi would no doubt never forget him?

Soubi stared at the spot where the car used to be. His body and heart were numb from so much pain. He wondered how he's going to live now. He wondered if there's any point in living now. Would Ritsuka want him to die? Would he care? He didn't know anymore. Maybe he didn't know anything at all. Maybe… Maybe…

A distant screeching tires drew Soubi's attention. Seconds later, it was followed by the sound of metal crashing against something solid. Soubi's felt his heart sank. For a moment he was paralyzed, staring into the distance, hoping that he had heard wrong, or that it was another car. But harsh reality finally sank in and Soubi ran down the road, dread gripping his heart so tightly it was almost impossible to breathe.

Sun burnt him, the quiet forest mocked him, endless mountain road taunt him to stop his fight. It was a figment of imagination, they said, it was another car, it was him not wanting to give up on Ritsuka. Soubi chanted his love's name under his breath, ignoring those voices. A part of him that Ritsuka took away screamed, asking him to hurry, asking for help, asking for his presence. Soubi was almost too scared to heed to the call, too scared to face the truth. What if it wasn't Ritsuka? What if it was Ritsuka? His body began to shake from so many conflicting thoughts and emotions. Bile rose to his throat. He was sicked by himself and the situation. With much difficulty, Soubi held himself together and kept running, his pace quickening. Ritsuka needed him. He just knew it. He needed him.

His heart stopped beating for a second when he saw that the car that carried his little love had collided against a tree. There were shattered glasses everywhere and he could faintly smell the coppery scent of blood. Hesitance stalled him just a fraction of a second. He approached the passenger side of the car and looked inside, bracing himself for the worst possibility.

Everything was covered in blood. The leather seats, the dashboard, the interior, everything. Seimei's head lolled down; his hair wet with thick blood; his eyes, wide and unseeing, stared blankly at his own lap; his mouth hung open with unvoiced scream of agony; his pale skin scarred and dripping with more blood. The gruesome sight would haunt Soubi for the rest of his life, but he couldn't care less. Ritsuka was beside Seimei, eerily quiet, head bent and body unmoving.

Soubi opened the door then sank to the ground trembling, unaware of the glass digging into his knees, shredding cloth and flesh and drawing blood. "Ritsuka… Ritsuka, please. Please wake up, please wake up." He was unaware of tears pouring down his face. He searched for Ritsuka's hand, needing reassurance and strength. His fingers found cold steel tightly held by tiny hand and pried it away to drop it to the car. Soubi held Ritsuka's hand tightly, begging again and again with broken voice. "Please open your eyes. Please, Ritsuka. Please."

Soubi held the small hand for a long infinity to no answer, his mind blank, his heart in ruin. Just when he was about to give up, when he thought there was no reason to go on, the hand he was holding twitched. Soubi's eyes widened and he tightened his grip. "Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka's head moved slowly and his eyes locked onto Soubi's. There were blood splatters on his face and clothes but he seemed uninjured, Soubi noticed. Then the boy smiled, erasing worry and bring a moment of serenity.

"I love you, Soubi. I love you."

TBC

A/N: While writing this chapter, I realized that I never explained how Soubi and Ritsuka got their food and other necessities since they're supposed to be living in seclusion. The very late explanation was that Ritsu's people regularly sent them stuff and left them outside the house. So, Soubi and Ritsuka never knew who these people are and they don't know anything about Soubi and Ritsuka. And, I know that in the previous chapter I said there will be just one more chapter left, but there was a prologue, so I should end it with an epilogue, right?

Edit A/N: Just to clarify, the 'cold steel' Soubi found in Ritsuka's hand when he found the car, was a gun.


	12. Epilogue

A/N: The final chapter! For real!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Epilogue**

The road was now familiar to Kio, yet it still made shivers ran down his spine. It all started this way; Soubi driving down this very road many years ago. Kio wondered what his friend had thought of back then. Had the thought of what would happen ever cross his mind? Had he seen it coming? Kio allowed a moment of selfishness to blame Soubi for not disobeying Ritsu's order to stay away from that client but it disappeared as quickly as it came. What was the point of blaming anyone? It's far too late for regret. Far, far too late for regret.

The gate opened for him, admitting him into the mysterious universe if only temporarily. When it closed behind him, he wondered if he should want it to remain closed or open again for him. Kio shook his head. He really shouldn't think of things like that. He knew he didn't belong here. He'd be an outsider here, he wouldn't be wanted, he'd be expected to leave. The truth still stung but Kio refused to let the pain prevail. His car barely made a sound, barely stirring the quietness of the trees which guarded his destination. He should be quick and silent.

The mansion looked grand today, tall and old and proud. The first time he came here it was in disrepair. Time had destroyed it slowly, had tried to return it to the nature. Overgrown plants had tried to hide it, swallow it back to earth, protect it from anything that might come. It had made him think of Sleeping Beauty's castle. It had made him detested the place.

Nowadays, after restoration, it had returned to its former glory and, with the help of an army of helpers, was kept in that state. Nowadays, it was difficult to fully hate it. It was difficult to fully hate life.

Sweet scent of flowers and soil assaulted Kio as he stepped out of the car. He looked around him, admiring the view of the garden. Butterflies danced above the flowers, birds sang in the forest, sun shone down unobstructed by clouds, truly it was the picture of celebration of life. Kio smoothed his suit jacket self-consciously, took a deep breath to chase away envy and jealousy and walked into the mansion.

The place was quiet, as it always was on weekends. No one came to welcome him but Kio knew exactly where to go, having been there, in that place, in that situation, often enough. He walked quietly into the study, trying not to think of how he wished he belonged here. He didn't belong here and never would. What's the point of torturing himself with envy?

"Kio?"

His lips stretched into a smile easily, not pretense needed. "Hey, Sou-chan! How are you?"

Soubi smiled back at him and Kio couldn't help but noticed how his smiles were genuine now. He really was happy, wasn't he? Kio knew he should be happy for that, and it had been years after all, but he couldn't honestly say that. He's a difficult man to get over, that Soubi was.

"We're good."

They sat on a sofa in the study and Kio felt guilty for being happy about the rare moment of privacy. "I just want to see how things are going. It's been a month since I came." He said the excuse he had said a thousand times before as he nursed his scotch. It's still too early for alcohol but he needed it to numb his insane jealousy.

"Everything is well here. How are you?"

Kio laughed, not oblivious of how Soubi refused to tell him his life. After all the terror he went through, he valued privacy even more than he used to. "Boring. No wonder those businesspeople kept asking for us to spice up their lives." His smile widened when Soubi smirked at his words. There were soft lines near the corners of his eyes and mouth. Time had left marks on him, but couldn't take away his attractiveness nor his appeal. Kio wished he could say the same about himself. He felt old next to his friend, so plain and unattractive despite the fact that he had men and women competing to spend time with him. "The money is good though. The boredom's almost worth it."

"Well, you can always ask for one of your people to accompany you. It's not like you have to pay."

"True." Kio agreed. "But, no, I don't want to change some things from the old days."

Kio watched Soubi's face for a change of emotions but found nothing, like he didn't understand what Kio tried not to say. The blond never asked about Ritsu and Kio avoided mentioning that name in front of him. They had only met once after Ritsu returned to Japan and it had been a cold reunion. The tension hadn't melted although Ritsu had promised that he would take care of everything Soubi might need and want, and lived up to the promise. Soubi would never fully forgive him, Kio knew, and he had the right to be that way after everything Ritsu did to him. This cold war, this tense non-relationship was all Soubi was willing to give.

It wasn't like Ritsu cared. He had finally gotten what he wanted after his initial negotiation with Seimei ended on a bloody note. His empire had grown. He was no longer just the owner of a high-class escort business. He had a legal business now, one he could flaunt and use to cover his crimes. Yes, some things would never change, but Kio didn't mind much for he, too, had received the benefits of being upgraded into a legit businessman. True, it was only a cover of what they really did, but that's how the society was built anyways. So what was wrong with former escorts pretending to be a respectable part of the society?

"Kio."

His smile slipped a little but years as escort had taught him how to feign cheerfulness. Kio looked at the young man standing at the door, feeling breath stolen from him as always.

It was the same black hair, same dark eyes, same pale skin, same lean body. It was Seimei back from the grave.

But Soubi didn't seem to notice this similarity. Or at least he didn't seem to care. The look on his face told Kio the story he never wished to know. He completely adored the doppelganger, completely crazy for him, completely in love with him.

Kio swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He didn't understand, couldn't understand. It was too strange. Their history was too strange. Why this kid? Why not someone older… or more mature? Why not someone else? Why not Kio?

"Hi, Ritsuka! How are you?"

"I'm well." Ritsuka answered, smiling at him slightly, shyly, enforcing the feeling that Kio wasn't a part of this, of what he had with Soubi. "I'm going to be at the garden if you need me." He said as if realizing that Kio wanted to have Soubi for himself just for a while. And maybe he did know. He was an Aoyagi after all. The same blood that had coursed Seimei's body also ran in his. Kio tried not to shiver at the thought of the demonic man. Ritsuka seemed to notice this, eyes piercing into Kio for a brief breathtaking moment, but quickly averted his gaze to Soubi and smiled at him sweetly like he was everything that mattered in this world before leaving them alone.

If he were completely honest himself, if he were able to fully ignore his persisting jealousy, Kio could see why Soubi chose Ritsuka. He was honest, almost too honest. He was easy to read, too transparent. He was kind, too kind, too naïve despite everything he had been through. He was smart. He was too perfect to be true.

Kio wished Ritsuka's feeling for Soubi wasn't genuine, then he'd have a reason to hate him, to say that Soubi should've chosen him over the kid. But his feeling was real. Why else would he discard everything from his past just so he could start a new life with Soubi?

Since Ritsuka's mother died during a robbery in their family house and Seimei committed suicide, Ritsuka was the sole heir of the old Aoyagi family. The world pitied him, calling him a poor boy due to the tragedies surrounding him in such a young age, then tried to take advantage of his inexperience. He surprised everyone by giving all of his assets to Ritsu, a man previously overlooked by society, and then disappeared. People looked for him at first, questioning his decision, worried for his well-being, but they quickly forgot, distracted by the greatest force that moved the world; money.

But Kio hadn't forgotten. He couldn't be distracted. He was too involved in this matter to do so. He knew the truth, the ugly truth. He knew about the abusive mother. He knew about Seimei and Ritsuka. He knew about the murders.

Innocent? No, Ritsuka wasn't innocent. He was as sinful as Kio and Soubi, if not more. After all, he had taken someone's life. But did Soubi care? Could Kio really blame Ritsuka for that? Ritsuka had been dragged into that twisted situation and only did what he could to get out of it. He was a victim. They all were. Love was a frightening thing indeed.

They didn't see Kio off when he left. He didn't allow it, he didn't think he could handle seeing them so happy. Not that he wanted them to be sad. He just couldn't stand the thought of them moving on happily with their lives while he was emotionally stranded in the past, unable to escape.

A butterfly flew past him. It's black and blue wings fluttered, teasing Kio to try to catch it. He resisted, watching it fly away instead.

Butterfly. The symbol of change, soul, rebirth. How very fitting that there were plenty of the insects in this mansion where two people had rebuilt their lives from the scratch. Or was it what called them here, a place where two people who had abandoned their pasts finally discovered what they needed and wanted in live? Kio smiled at the thought. It seemed like he had grown up.

He got into his car and started the engine. Before he left, he threw one last glance at the silent mansion. A part of him wished to see peering eyes, waving hands. But another, more realistic part of him squashed that hope mercilessly, leaving bleeding scars behind. He wondered if he would ever fully heal, but if they could, then he should be able to as well.

Disappeared. Forgotten. Alive and well. Happy.

Maybe he should try that sometimes. Maybe. One day. When there's nothing holding him back. Definitely. Probably. Maybe. One day. One day.

The End

A/N: So, after many, many, many years, The Butterfly Mansion has finally ended. I started out trying to write something like Lolita (and a yaoi manga I couldn't presently recall) and ended up with this instead -_- Anyway, I'm so glad I've managed to entertain so many people with this fic. Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews. It's been a fun ride!


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